Today the angels wept with joy and did quite lines behind God’s back with the revelation that our collective hero Lindsay Lohan has been officially pardoned and is now no longer a legal pariah.
There to pardon her from legal chaos and probation for the first time in almost 4 years was Lilo’s new found friend, Judge Stephanie Sautner who ordained that our collective misfit was no longer a misfit but once again a law abiding citizen who could once again hold her head up high in America.
Dressed like a Stepford wife in a matching sky blue pant suit, her red hair in a neat bun, her sticky cokey bags no longer to be seen and wearing sensible low heeled pumps our collective vixen strutted into a bath of sunlight that God had cast for her onto the boulevard after Judge Sautner declared our Lilo redeemed and welcomed back to humanity once again.
Said the messiah Sautner: “She did it. She has done everything that this court has asked of her.” And taking a deep breath and winking to Satan who was watching from the back of the court she declared the following : ‘Probation terminates today. Now.’
Offered Lilo’s cokey boy Steve Honig: “Lindsay is ending one chapter and starting the next. She is very eager to get back on set and dive into her next few projects.”
But the question remains; will America take to a clean fun loving toned down Lilo capable of performing on magic sets or will we all come to long for those days where she used to play killer roles as America’s favorite coked up self hating trash hag stumbling over her shadow at 5 am in the morning by some busted up crack den clutching missing necklaces, smashed champagne glasses, being in essence the freak show we never dared ride on but jealously wished we had….’
Bookie odds are now 7:5 in Las Vegas that Lilo will be back in front of a judge within 18 months….