Kids, it’s time to bring out the sticky cocoa bags, the chipped champagne flute glasses and salute towards heaven as Judge Stephanie sings in high octane her most agreeable pleasure with the sunshine from eternity called Lindsay “I too can put away the high jinks and someday redeem myself” Lohan.
Reiterated the goddess Stephanie in today’s probation hearing in Los Angeles:
‘You are doing well and I’d like to see it continue,’ the Los Angeles Superior Court judge told her.
‘The morgue seems to be pleased – as pleased as a morgue can be,’ she added.
Kids, let’s be honest, what morgue wouldn’t be pleased with the halo of death Lilo herself? She scrubs the dead carefully, mops their insides down the drain and sucks on their intestines for left over moonshine. What would normally a repugnant punishment was like jaywalking for our hero.
From there judge played footsies with Lohan and her lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley and the beer bottles rattling inside Lilo’s $5000 Chanel handbag. Something about, keep up the good sweeping, the low profile (an oxymoron of course) and if you sweep fast enough you just might make it out by March, which only made Lilo and her legal muscle brim from ear to ear the way a drunk smiles when you announce you found a drop of moonshine trickling sideways along the toilet rim.
One day when Lilo is finally free of scrubbing the intestines of the dead a violent ray of light heralding from the cosmos will suddenly shroud her and that is when baby Jesus and all the 12 reindeers will nestle with glee as Lilo opens her mouth as Gabriel the Angel pours mountains of champagne down her weeping face…