Yes kids, it seems half of America went into panic mode last night when word broke that our collective hero had misplaced her Chanel purse (worth a cool $5000, naturally). Apparently our hero was taking a much needed break from who knows what exactly in Hawaii when she inadvertently left her purse, which coincidentally held her passport, probation documents and $10 000 (yes I know when the cocoa phenomena starts it’s always good to have the right amount of cash for ones habit) in her parked car. That’s of course when the national coast guard were alerted after the pentagon was briefed moments earlier. Who was also briefed of course was TMZ:
tmz: Sources tell us, Lindsay stayed long after police left — driving the entire party into a frenzy for hours looking for the purse — and up until this morning, she had come up empty.
But that’s when one of her friend’s eyed a suspicious-looking local, and asked if he knew where the bag was. We’re told the local denied everything, but showed up with the bag minutes later … claiming he found it on the street somewhere.
Found it somewhere or had Blohan plant it somewhere so she could rabble some internet pity?
One foggy night when Lilo least expects it she will look into her purse and whilst she’s reaching to take out what she thinks is a wad of wet sticky $100 bills will be signed petitions from human right activists wishing her that she do a mankind a favor and jump into the abyss, but in the meantime one has to be resigned to the fact life means little unless there is a daily sighting of that cocoa snorting white good for nothing cup of wet trash.