I think it’s better I stick to licking my wet plastic cocoa bags in the privacy of my own home.’
In the latest developments in the saga called ‘diary of a broken record,’ our hero Lindsay Lohan has purportedly turned down lucrative offers to attend a variety of upcoming new years eve bashes in order in her own words to change her party image. Come again?!!
Which although on the surface sounds commendable if you’re an aspiring Mormon or a nun in remission what are we to think when on the one day of the year the whole world is living the aspirational lifestyle that our hero gets to live on a staid Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night (well just add every night if you catch my drift bixches) she decides on some stupid idealistic notion to take a break? Please girlfriend! You know cocoa boy is going to be calling you until you finally relent and brings back those bricks. Who you fooling?
Never mind whilst you’re out rolling in the gutter with tin foil scraping your backside, a half empty bottle of champagne running down your chin, Lilo will stoically look out the window and languidly count down; ‘5,4, 3, 2, 1- ‘Been there done that. Happy 2012 bixches!’