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Tante Marie wants to teach you bitches how to properly cook a turkey.

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The highlight of your day will be stuffing yourself on turkey, cranberry grog, basted gravy and as much sweet potato you can shovel in your mouth without a hint of shame in front of guests. Pass out from exertion. Wake up 4 hours later and resume the whole thing again.

But just in case you need candid tips on how to get that turkey thing going in the oven (and lord knows I do) Mary ‘Tante Marie’ Risley is here to guide you.

And when Tante Marie asks you if you are terrified of thanksgiving and you haven’t the slightest idea of what you are doing- do what I did- nod my head vigorously and exclaim with joy ‘there is deliverance,’ as this hawt bixch takes the time to show you how to stuff a turkey and come to terms with why until this moment you’ve always ordered Chinese on thanksgiving.

Tante Marie is waiting to save you. Isn’t it time you let this hot bitch teach you how to bake a dead turkey?

As Tante Marie tells you; ‘Just put the fxcking turkey in the oven,’ and life will work out somehow…

Indeed Tante knows best…

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  • Anonymous

    Nice Scally