I count myself as one of the fortunate ones. I’ve never used online dating and frankly I never will. Then again that has a lot to do with the fact that I am deeply in love with a woman who I met over the summer who I have since developed a very intimate relationship with and am completely committed to.
Frankly I really don’t know what makes a good relationship, but I have my clues. Then there’s the fact that at the end of the day most of us desperately want to find love along with security, peace of mind and the ability to become the person we always believed ourselves to be.
That of course then might explain why online dating sites have once again experienced a huge surge as the new year begins. Call it the post holiday blues, breaking up with someone you once loved over the holidays (traditionally the time most couple’s do break up, go figure) or just the sudden realization of how lonely you really are. Sometimes you can be lonely and still in love, which probably really means you have to think about what is really missing in your life and why you resist the terrible job of owning up to yourself instead of having someone else ‘complement’ you, or settle for you. It’s not fair on you or them, which is why most of us break up, but I know we all mean well at the time.
As for this author, being lonely over the years has become second nature, it makes for better writing, better reflecting and the view he’d rather be by himself then without the right type of partner. Then again I have had my heart broken very deeply twice now and couldn’t go out there for a very long time. That’s what love does to me. I fall very hard. On the way up and on the way down.
Then again I suspect so do a lot of us and that might be the challenge as we go about reflecting on love, finding it and being honest with ourselves as to the type of person we want to love, how we want to be loved and as I am getting older, realizing what sacrifices I am willing to make to have love. A lot, I can tell you. Love means a lot to me. I’m even blushing because I know my partner will even read this and take me to task later. But that’s why I love her, I feel free to be the boy inside my mind that has always looked at the world in wonder. To be honest I am so afraid of labels, standards and jingoes that one finds all the time on dating sites. Frankly I am not capable of society’s labels and what most people insist I be for them. My philosophy has always been if I can be the best for myself then it holds I will be the best for the person that I one day find the courage to open my heart too.
Then again I don’t know how most dating sites really work and I have a feeling that it’s a place where people go and try to find a fantasy and present themselves as one. Or maybe not. But love isn’t about fantasy. It’s about respect, trust, commitment, communication, devotion, lots of hard work and sometimes turning the right corner and meeting that one person who you can drop the pretenses of being and just acquiesce to the universe. Succumb to each other. Not easy stuff, but strangely I’d rather trust fate than any dating site. Which is why I am committed to my love, and the notion that when I wake up every day, no matter how much I feel hurt by a perceived indiscretion, oversight, or a moment of self panic, I just close my eyes and repeat after myself: ‘trust fate, trust the one whom you hold dear, trust your capacity to love and be glad that you have the courage to finally do it again after so many years in the wilderness.’
above image found here