Will you be able to survive your Wednesday afternoon?
Life isn’t usually this accommodating but luckily for you today it is. All day you get to be scared shitless out of your pants while a massive man hunt is underway in downtown Manhattan for one Ronald Tackman who fled the 12 th floor court rooms while wearing a LIGHT 3 piece suit (yes hard to believe but hold up men can still appear well dressed…) while awaiting arraignment.
In the event you come across Ronald (described as s weighing 150 pounds, with short black hair and blue eyes) we suggest you calm down and pretend that the gun in his pocket is not a gun, that the 3 piece suit on his body is not a fake 3 piece suit, and if he gestures to say hello you (quickly without drawing too much attention) turn the other way and run for your life.
That said we are just as terrified as you and have begun our own private search for the evil bastard. Places we have looked for Ronald include the abstract space between our skulls, ther TV networks, Rays’ not this Ray Pizza across the street, the stairwell, the crack den next door, the latest obituary notices in the NY Post (where this alarming tale springs from) and even behind the Arabic kids eye balls because we weren’t sure we liked the way he looked at as last night when he delivered our fat free falafel sandwich.
Is life in America getting increasingly dicey? Maybe but until then we are locking ourselves in.
Moral of the story? Once a criminal and a scumbag always a criminal and a scumbag…