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What’s a magazine to do if it can’t increase sales with Michelle OBAMA’s image?

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michellecoversIt seems that magazines are struggling to come up with a sure way fire method to increase sales. May we suggest some alternatives?

It’s the one thing since the dawn of time, how do you get people to read the bible more often (stick a picture of a hippie on the cross), believe in the constitution (issue a picture of George Washington) , pay their taxes (issue a picture of three horrifying letters- I, R, S).

As for magazine covers how about the following ideas?

1/ Issue pictures of celebrities behaving like actual real human beings experiencing migraines, bloating, car accidents and the occasional domestic dispute- oops didn’t they do that already with Rihanna?

2/Issue pictures of famous bloggers like Hamilton Nolan, if they can drive traffic on manicure sites like gawker, surely they can do the same for Ms, Seventeen and other fun sites.

3/ Issue mug shots of presidents before they became presidents. Seeing that no person in America gets to become a president if they have a mugshot in their files, perhaps if an arbitrary one was created that would incite readership curiosity and gossip.

4/ If David Letterman could do stupid pet tricks, why not stupid human tricks?

5/ Or what about taking Michelle and re digitizing her as if she were some hoe on the Champs d’Elyses ? It might not all be true, but I’m sure the readers would be piqued.

No?

The Michelle Obama Cover Guide

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1 COMMENT

  1. It’s all propaganda; But the late great Quentin Crisp utter in the CK-One Commerial “What does it all mean”. To me it’s revitalizes the ECOMONY. Go first Lady Mrs. Michelle Obama.

    Best,
    Ghurron Briscoe

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