When getting to prance on the football Field is as close to immortality you will ever get.
Some people go on to become famous actresses, others famous writers, business men or other wonderful legacies in the world. Most of you of course don’t. You simply become boring people that most of us have to put up with while you avidly read about the type of person you only wish you could become.
Keeping up with the American doctrine that life is only worth living if only you could become famous or a reality TV star we decided to have a think to ourselves and we’re pleasantly reminded that the Alabama Cheerleader squad team is openly holding auditions and in need of young hot starlets that it can groom.
That said we sat down and wondered to ourselves as the Alabama Cheerleader Squad holds audition who it should be considering bringing to the fold besides you of course…
Our top ten list of the perfect Alabama Cheerleader Squad team is as follows. Let’s see if you made it on the immortal list…
1/ Adrien Field. A lady always needs her ‘manbag,’ and as Adrien is known to carry his everywhere (that and the glass of champagne and portable camera he uses to document his beautiful life)
2/ Pamela Anderson. Pamela is by far one of the hottest sluts we know and we think with her posterity for sit ups, boob jobs and Richie Rich would make an out standing cheerleader.
Really for a woman post 50 she makes most 17 year girls cringe in morbid jealousy –after all you haven’t had a good drink until you have seen Pam in her G- string.
3/ Devorah Rose. As much as we love you Devorah (and you know I do darling) Scallywag would love to see you pick up those bon bons and make out like you were 16 again. High society will be revolutionized and it wont be long that all of the upper East side dames will follow your example. Oh Devorah, won’t you be the first?
4/ Countess Lu Ann de Lesseps– What’s a football game without a bit of back stabbing, controversy and a pied a terre anywhere in the Hamptons.
5/ Kate Gosselin. A cheerleader team wouldn’t be whole without one. The resident cry baby who always blames the quarterback for all the horrible things going wrong in her life while raking in all the wonderful bounty.
6/ Talking of quarter backs there’s always the team slut/bimbo. For that we thank Lindsay Lohan who is always ready to take on this role. But please don’t take from her stash of blow, that wouldn’t be cool.
7/Mackenzie Philips. Girlfriend is back in the media talking about daddy pumping her poor ass all these years (coincidentally while she’s pumping her book). A cheer leader team always needs a good myth to talk about and we’re happy to report Mackenzie has no shortage of these.
8/The Olsen twins. This is a non brainer. They’re cute (in an interesting way), have dated only celebrities (transferable to quarter backs) and have a scrubby clean image courtesy of the publicist that they hire.
9/Oprah Winfrey. For all you big girls out there, size does matter. Go out there and dance your hearts away, we’ll be looking at you with tears rolling down our eyes.
10/ No Alabama cheer leading squad is complete without its resident blonde bomb. So assuming you have access to a good bottle of heavy duty blonde dye we urge all you to go out and there and act blonde. Who knows maybe it just might work out for you.