It’s a Thursday evening, and to be sure I know I should still be asleep, getting some rest before heading out later this evening, but instead I get a phone call from Matt Assante urging me to hurry up and if I don’t I’m going to get a big slap on my derriere. This of course is vintage Matt Assante, the madman I spent my last summer with watching bronzed Adonises and GQ cover models (I know it just gets boring after a while…) stripping it down, making out and breaking champagne bottles all over each other at the Hotel Gansevoort’s penthouse. Realizing that life with Matt is never shy of dull, I make the trek over to Union Square’s new Carnival at 9.30 pm- 3 ring Thursdays. Of course I know there will be blood to spill and it will mostly be Matt’s.
I eventually arrive, of course I end up walking the 5 stairs while the sultry little vixen who I know I shouldn’t dare look at, even from the side of my eyes takes the elevator. To be honest I’m expecting a phalanx of bankers and their rotating bottle service and I am charmed instead to find a completely down to earth (too good looking) crowd mixing it up in a what appears a fantasy made for kids who now just happen to be adults. Part of me wants to quickly find the bar, but most of me wants to run over and point at the tall blonde girl who I am later introduced to called Linda getting her ‘ass’ soaked by whizzing base balls that keep hitting some contraption which keeps sinking her up and down and coming back up looking as if she were doing a Clairol hair shampoo commercial.
Of course when I say really just want to run to the bar, I’m half lying, because instead I spend the next 15 minutes watching all the spectacle, knowing full well, Matt is somewhere in the middle of it all just waiting to pull off a lime and affix it to a series of Corona beers he’s probably sequestrated for us. This it seems is the problem with being Matt’s friend and of course his co horts- Bobby Rossi and Dustin Terry, I’m eternally bound to watch him prove over and over that they are the life of the party, and somehow manage to keep up with them.