‘Some things one shouldn’t be allowed to imagine, that said we let our cloaked writer Figaro have his way. Proceed with caution all you die hards.’ – Scallywag, Editor in Chief.
If one could accord the idea that fashion is looks and folly perhaps they wouldn’t be too far off the mark as I approached dame and host of this evening’s ‘imaginary’ soiree thrown on behalf of Prada and Mercedes Fashion week – Anna Wintour. To be fair to Anna I hadn’t planned on asking her all these questions but since I was a gate crasher and worse – media, I felt entitled for the sake of clarity and reciprocate notions (I too like Anna despised insolents!) to try and set certain things straight. David Letterman and page 6aside I was bound to get to the truth and find out for myself how true all those rumors were. And to be honest since Anna was a personal hero of mine (so what if everyone in the media called her a ‘cool bitch’ what did the smut writers from Gawker really know? – not much I bet!) I knew if I could only get a few minutes with Anna I could set things straight.
Vodka and tonic in tow (and yes with a cute sliver of lime that I kept sucking back and forth bitches) I was finally able to catch Anna’s imaginary eye and proceed to get to the truth:
“Anna dear, how wonderful to see you again (pause – confusion). Why yes that’s right we met once a long time ago at one of the shows, you were sitting on one side of the runway plank and I of course was sitting directly across from you- yes that’s right the fellow with the red top hat and polka dot scarf (vintage may I add!). Yes, oh my God, wasn’t it all amazing? Of course, I’ll never forget poor model she nearly fell on top of herself, I mean all I was trying to do was stretch my legs, you understand, if she had paid more attention she would have never tripped. Yes I agree – the tart!!
Anyway, so good to see you. Listen Anna I don’t have too much time before security catches up with me and throws me out but I just had to ask you a few questions now that you and I are once again re united. I know- (slight pause) I ‘m frothing at the mouth too. (slight uncomfortable laugh on Anna’s part).
So tell me Anna, I’m curious –‘What is it like living a life where all you are known for is your accomplishments? Where everywhere you go all people can talk about is the objects you have created, the trends you have created, the interns you have made cry? Does fashion care about humanity or is it only concerned with appeal? Or how about all those celebrities, yes the under fed ones you keep putting on the covers? Where do you find them? Do you really call them or do they as I suspect hobble over and beg?’ (pause)
Yes, I know Anna, I too realize these are all difficult questions but you have to appreciate like you I am a child of God, no what am I saying ‘I am God! Well you’re God number 1 and I’m God number 2….’ And of course you have to appreciate Anna the world is always clambering over people like us, waiting for us to dictate trends, wondering what we are willing to divulge, wondering how we connive to bring fashion back to the people. Yes fashion for the people, ahha that would make a great October cover title….
(imaginary drink accidentally spilling and snot intern running over and Anna whispering into her ear….)
Did I ruin your dress Anna? Tell me, I shall forever hate myself. It was just vodka with a swoosh of tonic and the lime – it’s here in the back of my mouth where I forever suck on it – of course out of sight. You forgive me? Oh how wonderful, so I needn’t spit on the table cloth after all and ….]