Home Gawker Figaro’s Imaginary Interview with Anna Wintour.

Figaro’s Imaginary Interview with Anna Wintour.



“It’s this idea of image Anna, that’s what really unsettles me. I mean really what’s a yarn of wool all about? Nothing! It’s the myth behind the yarn of wool that people buy into. And you my dear are an eloquent myth maker. Really people just grovel to be around you and your myths, even that actress Meryl Streep had to pretend to be you on the big screen. The nerve! At least she had the decency to share royalties with you I hope?”

(A shuffling of 3 black men resembling Mike Tyson with ear pieces heading ominously towards us…)

“See Anna, I want to know more than just the magazine. The brand you put out there, the advertisement agreements and the branded models stuck to the page with all the shiny new things throughout your magazine. I want to know the woman inside there that makes this whole thing work. That keeps this whole thing together. I want to know if at any moment if all the spinning plates are going to fall and crash. I want to know more than some portrayed movie with actors and scripts and dialogues with scenes redone over and over again paying lip service to Prada and Mercedes and “insert brand here.” I want to know what’s beneath that surface, beneath that bob of yours because under there is where the true hidden things that make up the woman you are and I know under there is what makes you successful.

I want to know if all this beauty comes from a natural spontaneous place or if it’s beauty that is forced, contrived and all set up with the conclusion of an agenda?

These are the types of things I feel I am responsible to ask for all of the little girls out there wanting to become the next Helen of Troy. For all those little girls building a dream life of walking down the runway with all burning eyes on them. Sloshing around a martini at the after party with all the attention on them of the way they swaddled down the runway with such forced grace.”

(A sudden muffling, wide palmed panda hands wrapped around my mouth, my nose and the unkind sound of me sobbing and wheezing as I am suddenly being dragged out to the street and the idea of my imaginary interview with Anna Wintour coming to a sudden end)

Anna, Anna I was only joking – there is only one God – you. Please forgive me, I didn’t mean to be grander than you!”

And then the sudden realization as I am standing in front of the subway grate ogling Anna’s covers that it had all been an imaginary interview….