Michael Lohan would like to introduce you to his 17 year old love child.

 

Michael Lohan would like to introduce you to his 17 year old love child.

Michael Lohan is just an every day scumbag...

Oh no! Lindsay Lohan wants nothing to do with new half sister Ashley Horn.

Lindsay Lohan only finds out she has a half sister live on Good morning America.

Michael Lohan has a big surprise for Lindsay Lohan

Dna tests confirmed Michael Lohan’s worst nightmare on ‘The Trisha Goddard show,’ as it was revealed that he spawned a love child with ex flame Kristi Horn Kaufmann who had previously threatened to haul Milo’s ass to purgatory if he didn’t come clean with the fact that he was the father of her now 17 year old daughter Ashley.

Agreeing to the tests(I know anything for free pr), the results were announced live on the show which led to Milo apologizing about why it took so long to straighten out that shit and that how his ass was now suddenly ‘100%’ fine with it.

Of course why it all took so long for our collective scumbag to come clean about him having a love child might have something to do with the fact that he was married to Dina Lohan, Lindsay Lohan’s mother at the time in 1995 when his love child was born and the other inconvenient fact being that his ass would have had to come up with child support money, something that probably would have rubbed into his drinking money.

Said Milo to the nydailynews: “I apologized to her. I thought there were other men besides me (in her mom’s life).”

“We’re having and will have a good relationship,” he said of the teen. “I’ve spoken to her four times since (filming the segment) last week.”

Milo has also gone out of the way to stress he was separated from Dina Lohan for 8 months during the time in which he met his lovechild’s mother before eventually getting back with White Oprah until their nasty divorce in 2007 which of course has unofficially never stopped playing itself out in public.

Interestingly White Oprah cited Milo’s philandering ways  when she filed for divorce.

Whilst on the show as the dna readings were read out an awkward Milo tried hugging his love child Ashley who nevertheless couldn’t bring it upon herself to have her scumbag father come near her, crying out a definitive ‘no, no, no.’

Michael Lohan would like to introduce you to his 17 year old love child.

Ashley Horn just wants to be spared from the devil.

Said Ashley (could there really be worse things to reckon with than to find out Milo the scumbag is your dad?): “This is the first time I’ve met you. I’m sorry but I’m not sure…”

Going forward Milo is hoping that Ashley, Lilo and all the other Lohan kid clan will take the time to know Ashley. Which is as certain as a limping invalid winning a gold medal at the next Olympics meet.

On another aside, prior to the opening of the envelope on camera which would confirm whether or not scumbag Milo was indeed her dad, Ashley reiterated the following:

“I don’t want to be a part of what they’ve called the Lohan train wreck,”

Which of course is the universe’s way  of saying ‘Sorry Ashley we tried for 17 years to spare you but today you’re shit out of luck….’

Michael Lohan would like to introduce you to his 17 year old love child.

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  • Kally

    omg this is too funny. GREAT article. poor chick.