My hero Lindsay Lohan would like to inform all you haters that her Playboy cover spread is selling like hot cakes at the news stands.

Lindsay Lohan’s only unairbrushed Playboy shot released.

Lindsay Lohan Playboy entire photo spread leaked on line. Bye bye one million dollars.

Lindsay Lohan has for once racked two good weeks back to back. But surely there must be some sticky wet cocoa plastic baggies waiting to spill out of her nostrils?

Kids, Captain Hugh Hefner just can’t wipe that smile of his away pursuant to the latest reports that his car crash appointee, Lindsay ‘just pay me a million bucks Hugh and I can reignite Playboy Inc’ Lohan has besides much disbelief and a leaked photo shoot set sales to the latest Playboy on fire in which she stars as a half naked Marilyn Monroe wannabe.

In fact so well has our collective hero Lilo revived the decaying carcass otherwise known as Hugh I can’t believe I am still alive pass me my breathing regulator asp’ Hefner reports are starting to circulate that not only are vendors selling out across the country but they’re actually ordering more.

But not everyone is necessarily impressed with Lilo’s foray into soft porn. Says 2010 Playmate of the year, Hope Dworaczyk:

‘I saw that spread… and I was not impressed. I just feel like if I would have known I was doing a Playboy shoot, I would have worked out more maybe.’

True perhaps, but what Hope is failing to realize is that the messiah otherwise known as Lilo doesn’t need to actually physically exert herself, since when we are buying Hugh’s naked trophy all we’re actually doing is buying into Lilo’s hype, her horror stories, her broke ass crack teeth and the veneer of mother Dina staring from above the headline imploring us to understand that her baby is not a white crack reject but rather the reincarnate of cucumber scented love kisses that one greedily applies in gentle half motions against their soul. In other words it’s just another day at the office for Lilo….