In search of a good shag. What happened to the Male Libido?

In our culture, we love to complain about the things we’re not getting, but to go out and actually try to get them, is a rarity. From an honest female point of view, your work is half done: our libidos are increasing exponentially with age! While a weekend in Buenos Aires is out of the question for a good 99% of us, a dinner date with a long-time lover isn’t. Neither is ravaging them on whim in an elevator. A lot of men tend to complain that this sort of behaviour feels forced. Of course it is! But if you think for a second that your girlfriend watching 4 hours of a UFC fight isn’t forced, you’re either kidding yourself, or you wouldn’t be able to tell if she’s faking it anyway.The success of magazines like Playboy, FHM, Esquire et al, is akin to the escapism and little white lies magazines like Cosmo (et al) sell us.

When we are young, we fantasize about exotic trips and lovers, fancy lingerie, scotch and high class burlesque bars. We wake up one day and realize (for most of us) that our adult realities are anything but. So we read these articles propagating stereotypes of fierce masculinity (and femininity): sexually virile, educated, jazz loving, wine drinking supermen, whose belts always match wing tips. More than anything, the advertising leaves us lacking.

The people in the ads have sex in elevators, but they’re also equipped with fancy shoes, complicated suits, killer smiles and balconies of cleavage worthy of Shakespearean performance. This is creating a counter-culture of us vs. them. Those young free wild things that know what sex is and the rest of us, who try and remember what it felt like to have your heart jump out of your body, to feel your lovers hot breath on the nape of your neck… distant memories of youth. People like “us”, with kids, vans, student debt, relationships in ruts, aren’t’ deserving of that fun, according to advertisers, until we ‘upgrade’ our lives to fit the commercial mould. Only then will we be allowed to feel comfortable with “fun” spur of the moment romps.

I think its time to start a revolution.

Nobody fits the ultra-masculine, super-feminine stereotype. They’re fluffy fantasies, and that’s why they work so well on our bored and domesticated minds. But there is something we can do about it and redeem those heart pounding, inertia inducing, sweaty fantasies. The beautiful thing about free will is we are in charge of our own happiness and the relationships we have can be/will be whatever we want them to be.

Being bored with a lover is a subconscious choice made after years and years of concession. What started out as anticipation of a date, placing perfume in special places, spending hours thinking about a first kiss, the right pair of shoes, over the course of time turns into hours spent thinking about dirty kitchens, phone bills and who is going to take the dog to the vet. Sex eventually falls off the priority list. As adults, our lives become more and more serious.

Sex, in this part of the world, is viewed as frivolous, an afterthought at best. What our society is in denial of is how closely linked GOOD sex with a loving partner is to our happiness.While the strongest of unions aren’t based on rolls in the hay, sex is an active and important part of the equation. We need to take responsibility for our ruts. Shagging one another back into reality. We can all grab our lovers, push them into elevators and take them to heaven, for two (or so) minutes. Because two minutes in elevator heaven are better still than no minutes at all.