Home Pop Culture The Death of the Porn Industry. Are you a porn star too?

The Death of the Porn Industry. Are you a porn star too?

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“It’s a travesty. Seriously. I mean, I was looking at this and thinking, was it for this that Hef faced down God knows how many printers’ union strikes, distribution bottlenecks, womanpower shortages, sustainably sourced paper conversion campaigns and prison guard riots every time the mail was a day late? Was it for this that he dealt with extortionate retouchers, not to mention touchers, preposterous claims by the silicone industry, absurd price fluctuations in the wholesale wax market and those evil fumes every time the gallon jugs of perfume were left open under the glare of 10,000 watt lighting instruments? Sure he had America’s longest military conflict to keep his bottom line feathered for all those years. But you try doing what he did when the greatest gift that the carpet gods could ever have given a pornographer just up and goes out of style, just like that. Honestly, it makes you doubt a lot of the stuff we were taught growing up to think we’re going to be living in a world where men can just get this right over their computers, of all completely unstimulating things. God, now I know why there’s a bite taken out of the apple in the Apple logo. Like I said, a travesty, or, rather, not a travesty….”

Yep, you guessed it: a faithful recreation of a conversation that never was. For all the ingenuity with which the porn industry manages to reinvent itself, for all the overheated rhetoric with which it outfits itself to play both sides of a fairly crude divide (it’s pernicious, which prompts people to buy it, or it’s harmless, which prompts people to buy it), for all its contributions to contemporary phrase-making (I find _____ porn as nimble and spot-on a usage as the Age of Excess could ever have hoped for, mopping the floor with the 80’s-smelling _____-aholic), porn still has not found a way to excite people, titillate people how it may. However much claim it may make on the culture through its sheer ubiquity, it still offers little else beside implacability. This may endear it to the owners of the marts, but then, as Mr. Thompson was told, “it’s no trouble to make a lot of money if all you want is to make a lot of money.”

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