Why I’m dreading the Hamptons.

You will of course be tolerated as long as you are in turn beautiful, socially sanctioned by who ever is this years nominated arbiter of uber people and their friends and are capable of turning up a kind phrase or two in some two penny blog that you write for. In short you will be miserable, but if you can get over the fact that you don’t own or have access to what these people have you will be fine.

Of course it is the subtle mission of these people to continuously remind you of your insignificance and all one can do is if they are a guest (because there is no way in hell you can afford that stuff unless the Hampton Bays motel appeals to you…) is politely smile and then when you have a moment call up page 6 and spill the beans on these coke sniffing brats, assuming of course you don’t happen to be a coke sniffing, pill popping, martini drinking neophyte yourself in which case you will on some level get on fine once the accoutrements and underwear start flying off.

2/ The people themselves.

Living in NY one over time learns clever tricks to obfuscate the many wondrous degenerate human beings living amongst us. In the Hamptons there is little chance of doing that. You will have to come to a realization that most people even if they are tolerable and genuine in real life will morph into capricious brats with entitlement issues when they turn up to the Hamptons and if you are planning on being a bartender, waiter or golf caddy your life will become very miserable.

If on the other hand you are on the other social divide your life will also be very miserable because no amount of sunshine, frolicking fluffy waves will subdue the nasty rumors/press that will inevitably follow you and once again the only recourse is to drink, sniff, pop pills or if you have the mental will power ignore it and stare into the deep abyss with the knowledge that life can suck with lots of sunshine or not.

Of course not everyone is a malicious conniver, even though most who happen to turn up to the Hamptons are. You will from time to time be able to find kindred recourse in the locals, traveling