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Continues Brooks– ‘Etiquette is all about obstacles and restraint. But technology, especially cellphone and texting technology, dissolves obstacles. Suitors now contact each other in an instantaneous, frictionless sphere separated from larger social institutions and commitments.’
So where there may have once existed social norms and expectations in a big anonymous city like NY, one has become free to behave and act as they wish. The social implications, the threat of alienation or being looked down upon has gone. In fact, today we are collectively encouraged to (mis)behave in the fashion seen on TV shows like Gossip Girl (which act as a kind of bible of our youth and aspirant society).
What does this mean? Brooks offers a very compelling idea: ‘People are thus thrown back on themselves. They are free agents in a competitive arena marked by ambiguous relationships. Social life comes to resemble economics, with people enmeshed in blizzards of supply and demand signals amidst a universe of potential partners.’
In some sense, we have become disassociated agents in a disassociated society looking for the most viable context that will allow us to maximize our yield. Love has been commodified and where once we may have fallen for that person who we knew was broke and not model beautiful, we are now reexamining our aspirations. We feel that we are owed what is possible and close at hand (if the current media is any guide). What does this mean? It means a confluence of disillusioned girls, burnt beauties, young single men, lonely in love (although the hottest of them will always find dedicated followers), and couples divorcing and reevaluating their relationships. In the oldest sense of the word, marriage has always been an arrangement of power sharing and merging of interests but now, so too has the dating game, and as much as we like to believe in love we fear it like a pair of last years shoes. Even if those shoes were the most comfortable thing we ever owned.
In the end, we are all left to fend for ourselves and appropriate what we may. Who can blame us in these very tenuous times? However, one does have to wonder about those days when we crave simple adulation, affection and human bonding irrespective of what the designer label on their coat says.
New York Times Cellphones, Texts and Lovers
I literally, kicked a boy I’d been seeing- out of my house and my life after he <> sent
me a text that said: ” Baby, my sister is coming to town on thursday, she’s gonna stay in my house. Can i stay with you in your sexy bed? Ill buy you new sheets and take you to the airport.” He claimed it was a ploy to get my “attention,” MFing Liar
Firstly, he doesn’t even have a sister; second, his toothbrush, shaver, five jackets and underwear were already spread all over my apartment. Was he planning to be sick of me by then?
Your article today on dating is fantastic.
I don’t think human nature have changed that much especially in the Dating Game. It has always had its backups, its social climbers, its “TV” shows now it’s seems to be just a bit more in your face. The advent of technology has given this A.D.D. society the advantage of instant gratification. Remember the address book or the “black book”. Who has physical address books anymore, that’s just old school. Who can even remember anyone’s number that’s what cell phones are for. They are our planners, our address book, our connection to the world we live in, our hook-ups and sometimes even our downfalls. Options are always important. This is a good segway into events and happening tomorrow night. I’m interested in attending this art benefit for the homeless that you spoke of but I do have a meeting til 8:30. Let me know where the event is and I’ll try to make it. I’ll call you either way. PS I do like your online mag. Talk with you later. T-