Vagina Whitening. Have you tried it yet ladies?

Vagina Whitening. Have you tried it yet ladies?

When I was younger, and experimenting with make up, I remember thinking how fun it would be if there were more socially acceptable areas on your face for decorating. I loved playing with what would now be tacky and whorish eye make up, sweeping on vibrant pink blush and finishing it off with a swipe of horribly neon pink lipstick – almost half of which would wind up on my gapped (and bucked) front teeth. I was truly beautiful, as far as crackhead / “day shift at the strip club” standards would dictate. But with every inch of designated make up areas covered in the dollar store’s finest, I yearned to decorate more. It was fun to transform into what I thought was a better version of myself.

If not encouraged, empowered and educated correctly, these ideas manifest into crushing self esteem issues that can extend to extreme self-alteration methods while in search of unattainable perfection. Also, some of these crème de la crème douchebags just have way too much money and nothing better to do. Either way, it is my pleasure to present to you the latest in “you really do hate yourself” technology, vagina whitening.

No, I didn’t stutter. I said vagina whitening. First Post reports this new entrant to the beauty market as offering “protection, fairness and freshness” for colour-challenged vaginas everywhere”. Basically, a couple of misogynistic scientists got together and discussed ideas of exploiting insecurities we women didn’t even know we had; “ok, I am completely hairless from the neck down, I am in excruciatingly cute stilettos and my face is covered in this war paint … but alas! My vagina falls short in the fairness category. Sigh.” Are you kidding me? Is there absolutely no morality section on the FDA’s  checklist? Scientists and beauty experts have clearly joined forces to perpetually crush the spirits of almost confident women everywhere, and I for one am tired of it.

But before I send out my Facebook invite to boycott Clean & Dry’s Intimate Lightening Wash, I’d like to pose a quick question to the company’s market research division: who were your focus groups for this product? Let me tell you mine – a bar full of men after work in a downtown Manhattan Irish Pub. I was perusing an article about this product while waiting for a friend, and felt compelled to conduct an informal survey. I started with the bartenders and owners of the bar, friends of mine who I knew would be honest with me and not just take it as a pick-up attempt. The screaming consensus was as such: not a single man cares about the lightness or lack thereof of a woman’s bathing suit regions. Not a single one even blinked to consider it. Every single one had a similar answer: “(expletive of choice) NO! What do I care?”.

So ladies, please, let’s draw a line. Enough is enough. Take a stand against these soulless beauty companies that are desperate to expand their market share, and attempt to do so by creating BRAND NEW insecurities we never had before! I’m not going to give you the whole “we are all beautiful” rant, because, well … we’re not. But work with what you’ve been given and stop creating new ways to feel bad about yourself!

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  • Gh0stthatwalks

    First off it sounds like the guys at that bar have no standards. They don’t care what it looks like at all? hah you might as well stop your hairless below the neck routine then and just go 70’s hygiene. Second, 1 in 100 females needs to worry about this. So it is a niche market sure, that is still about 600 million ppl though.

    If the author of this article wants a more honest opinion, I will tell her if she is a candidate or not. I’m not a doctor but I will take a look.

  • McDeez the M.F. Writer!

    oh sweetheart, where do i begin with you. nowhere. you seem to be a lost cause. thanks for reading though, and congrats on the whole ‘being literate’ thing … maybe be something to add on the short list of your redeeming qualities

  • McVag

    I just LOL’d from my vagina

  • LadyGuest

    The most disturbing part of this is that it IS COMMON in certain ethnic groups (Asian, Indian, African-American, Latino, etc.. all have darker colored vaginas). There is nothing wrong with darker vaginas – that is how many are born and it’s totally natural.
    Kudos to the person who posted this – I too am sick of how women are constantly made to feel imperfect, fat and old, in order to support the multi-billion dollar cosmetics and beauty industry. Any man that is stupid enough to care about the ‘shade’ of one’s vagina, isn’t worth sharing it with anyhow. ;-)

  • ThatPerson

    I agree with what Gh0stthatwalks is saying.

    Another thing I’d like to add is that it seems the author cannot respond to such a comment academically and resorted to personal attacks on Gh0stthatwalks. The reply is utterly useless and provides no benefit for Gh0stthatwalks and other readers out there.

    If I have anything to say to McDeez, it’s a great article. Take the comments as a challenge to respond intellectually in hopes of changing that person’s opinion, rather than attacking them for being a “lost cause.”

    After all, if you didn’t want to change people’s opinions with a strong perspective, why would you have written this article in the first place?

  • McDeez the M.F. Writer!

    i disagree … i can pretty much do whatever i want … hence the title “forum” …

    i think my response was of great value … providing my friends and family with the confirmation that I am a hilarious asshole. You can’t put a price on that sir!

    through all the blah blah blahs I did notice a “great article, Shannon McDeez!” … and thus I am left to conclude you have fantastic taste, That Person :)

    Since I’m about giving the people what they require, my academic response is as follows: GhostfaceTheIlliterate, or whatever their screenname is completely missed the facetious tone of this article. It is a slight against the beauty industry for creating and instilling further insecurities in woman. We have been enslaved and tortured by societal perceptions of what is beautiful and normal, and this is a disgusting effort to kick up profits by exploiting an issue that was not so long ago non-existent. Furthermore, he finished his point off by professing his desire to check out my fantastic lady regions … I must go Brooklyn on your ass and hit you with a C’MON SON … you think I’m going to waste my beautiful prose on that joke? He gets the wink and the gun at max … and a little congrats for dressing himself today.

    I will now remove my academic hat, and put on my honest broad hat … you have a penis, i’m assuming. have you looked at it? directly? have you had one in your face? i have … a few times (heehee), and I must say there is MUCH WORK to make that terrifying tool even viewable while flacid. Gross dude.

    Thanks for the read though xoxoxox

  • http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com in bed with married women

    An artificially light vag indicates…what?
    “I am an Indian woman possessing an improbably Caucasian vagina.”
    “I may be aroused or I may be thinking of stocking up on cereal when it’s on sale–You’ll never know because I’ve bleached away the tell-tale flush of arousal.”
    “I’d better not pee because, as I vaguely recall from chemistry, ammonia and bleach mixed together create a toxic cloud.”

    More on it here: http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com/2012/04/her-swarthy-snatch-that-is-reader-mail.html

  • Bernymackerelly

    topic itself is bananas…but its ill how we can be convinced to do things we dont need..or that are just straight up ridiculous…like on some old school ” everybody’s doing it”..or “you aint got the IPAD 17 yet?” ….as if your ish is played out….