thesmokinggun : JULY 14–A grocery store clerk was indicted yesterday on federal charges for allegedly giving a female shopper a yogurt sample that was tainted with his semen, and then lying to federal agents about the revolting incident.
Tried lying? How? Did Anthony Garcia suddenly realize the semen really belonged to his dog? His kid brother? Or that somehow the semen he’d been keeping he’d been keeping in his cool box for a rainy day accidentally slipped into a fresh batch of yogurt that he was now offering as taste samples to unsuspecting customers.
Taste samples you wonder?
According to a police report, the female victim told cops that she was shopping with her daughter at the Sunflower Farmers Market when she was approached by a “pushy” Garcia offering her the yogurt sample. After tasting the yogurt, the woman immediately thought the sample tasted “gross and disgusting” and, cops noted, “said it tasted like ‘semen.’”
Tasted gross and disgusting. Who? Andy Garcia’s yogurt was that bad? Surely Mr Garcia had had enough vinegar that morning or a special blend of pineapple juice to make sure his special blend of semen was as smooth as a ripe frothy pina colada with God’s personal a ok thumbs up sign.
But it gets better. It always gets better kids…
gawker: DNA testing later proved the yogurt contained his semen. Ewwwww. Hold me, Jamie Lee Curtis.
Federal agents say Garcia has a long history of sex crimes, including a 2001 incident in which he was caught masturbating outside an apartment complex and middle school. In 2004, he was arrested for wandering around a Wal-Mart with his penis “hanging out of his pants.” As recently as last September, a jogger said he exposed himself to her. He also has a pending child molestation charge, KRQE reports. Prosecutors want him locked up for good.
Personally I think there’s only one remedy until Garcia gets his special brand of semen to finally taste scrumptious for wider public consumption? How you wonder? By making him taste it every afternoon in big gob jars until he eventually can’t wait to be served vat size jars of it the minute he wakes up.
Don’t you wish Andy Garcia had slipped you a sample of his made yogurt too?