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A checklist of the most unacceptable behavior while sitting front row at Fashion Week.

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marc-jacobs-front-row1A checklist that they ought to be dispensing before people even dare take to the front row.

 

 

Bad behavior is bad behavior, but bad behavior in public and on the couture circuit is malicious behavior and is appropriately punishable with a swift kick to your new botoxed face followed by handfuls of hair being tugged out of your $320 blow dry haircut. That said we’d rather be spared the effort of having to beat you to a pulp and thus offer you this comprehensive checklist of bad behavior etiquette .

 

10/ You shall never ever raise your portable camera above eye level to take pictures. We will grab the camera, gouge it with your nose and then drop it for some 93 pound model to stomp on.

 

9/ You shall never ever name drop. We don’t care if you know Adrien Field or Kristian  Laliberte. We don’t. Name drop one more time and we will steal your Blackberry when you are not looking.

 

8/ You shall never ever even for a split second pretend you are also a model, a celebrity or star by virtue of the fact of your seating arrangement. Please don’t confuse the good fortune of sitting front row with the idea that somehow you are living your life miraculously. You are not and we know better.

 

7/ Don’t ever start texting once the models start walking down the plank, it shows disrespect, contempt and ill breeding. The fact that Paris Hilton did it at the last Tracy Reese show that we went to was akin to a young baby unable to hold her bowels.

 

6/ Don’t ever call up your friends and start bragging before the show starts that you are sitting front row. We don’t want to hear about it, we don’t care about it and if your think your seating arrangement at a fashion show is some sort of reflection of your social standing you are wrong, misinformed, insecure and in need of counseling.

 

5/ Don’t ever start eating in the front row. We don’t like your crumbs and the models don’t want to have to sidestep your gob.

 

4/ Never ever start having loud conversations while you are sitting in the front row. This is not a night club or a pick up joint, it’s just a chair next to a ramp so you can graciously get a bird’s eye view of a designer’s collection. So pipe down fool!

 

3/ Never ever hog the camera- media whore! When the paparazzi come looking for you and start clicking your picture it would be a nice gesture after 6000 clicks to politely ask the paparazzi to leave. We came here to see the designer’s work not your ego asshole.

 

2/. When you are sitting front row please don’t offend us with stories about when you too were a model, designer, fashionista, celebrity or whatever. That was this and this is now.

 

1/ Finally never ever let us have us catch you making lascivious gestures to your boyfriend, girlfriend or whatever, if you must make out, fondle each other please do it either at home, the second row but never the front row, we clearly do not approve.

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