Mitchell Vest, Texas man wearing kilt filmed sticking antique objects up his rear end then placing them back on shelves as horrified shoppers and store owners looked on.
Who knew antique shopping could be so kinky..? A 60-year-old Texas man wearing a kilt was arrested last week after he was caught on surveillance footage allegedly grabbing several items off of the shelves at an antique shop and ‘placing’ those items ‘in his rectum,’ before returning them to the shelves.
Brief pause. Look past my midnight shade bed-sheets and look for missing objects…
Mitchell Cooper Vest according to a release from a Harris County County Constable told of our collective hero being taken into custody on one count of criminal mischief in connection with the bizarre allegations.
Placing items where the sun don’t shine…
The alleged episode according to the release happened on Thursday, February 15th, with responding officers attending to the venue following calls from ‘multiple concerned citizens’ regarding an adult male who they said was ‘observed selecting items from multiple vendors at an Antique Mall Outlet and placing the selected items in his rectum.’
‘The male was then observed removing the items and placing them back on the shelves,‘ the constable stated.
A probable cause affidavit obtained by Law&Crime identified some of the items allegedly tainted (for a lack of words…) by Vest’s actions included, a makeup brush, a ‘Restoration hardware piece,’ an antique bottle opener, and a ‘tobacco tent can.’
Oh dear, ‘I’m wondering if there’s possibly one more items I should try to position up my a** but time may not prevail….’
But it gets kinkier. Which we always like. Shall we…?
The incidents allegedly occurred at two different shops — the Antique Gallery of Houston and The Curiosity Shop, both of which are on Towne Drive in Spring, Texas — on the afternoon of Feb. 10, authorities said.
Per the affidavit, the owner of the Antique Gallery told deputies that she witnessed Vest pick up the makeup brush and hardware piece, and counting down, 3, 2 and 1, ‘shove both items up his anus, then return the items to the shelf.’ She said the value of the adulterated ‘damaged items’ was $130.
The owner of the Curiosity Shop on Feb. 10 reported to deputies that she had reviewed security footage showing a man matching Vest’s description doing the same thing with the bottle opener and tent can, noting that her damages were… 3, 2, and 1, up it goes…. $74.
Take care to wash your hands now kids…
‘Both Complainants advised they had to throw away the items that were used in this incident due to feces (being) on them,’ the affidavit stated. ‘Both provided the video surveillance of the incidents, and both wished to pursue charges.’
Lost for words…
Susan Golden, the manager of Antique Gallery, told KPRC that she believed she had seen Vest in the establishment prior to the alleged Feb. 10 incident, with employees telling her that he’d previously spent ‘hours’ shopping around the store. As one does naturally…
‘I was just really in shock,‘ Golden told the station. ‘I just didn’t really know what to say or think.’
Looking past my midnight shade bed-linen and the missing objects from my vanity mirror…
Vest following his arrest (alas…) was released from the Harris County Jail on Friday after posting a personal bond of $100. Our collective darling is scheduled to appear in court in the not too distant future at an un-dislosed date.
