Home Scandal and Gossip Paperboy terrorized and trapped in a tree by goat named Voldermort.

Paperboy terrorized and trapped in a tree by goat named Voldermort.

Voldermort the black goat.
Voldermort the black goat.
Voldermort the black goat.
Voldermort the black goat is also a preferred hawt bixch....

Do you remember the days as a stargazed teenager when you used to get up in the morning and do your daily paperboy rounds? Remember how you would steer clear of that neighborhood dog that would growl at you, that asinine parakeet that would talk back surlily at you and of course that goat that would chase after you, headbutt you and have you marooned on top of a tree….?

Desert News is reporting that a 14 year old Smithfield, Utah paperboy, Jaxon Gessel, found himself in the tenuous position of being terrorized by a black goat who coincidentally goes by the name of Voldermort who had the audacity to chase after the boy whilst he was making early morning paper deliveries by bike.

Still dark, the boy recalls observing what appeared to be a dark mass suddenly approaching him.

“….it made a weird noise, kind of like a grunting noise,” he said. “I’m like, ‘What the heck is that?’”

Then the grunting goat head-butted Gessel, knocking him off his bike and tackling him.

“It just freaked me out when it stood up on its hind legs and just wrapped its front legs around me and pulled me off.”

Oh dear. Perhaps Voldermort was just not in the mood to read the morning news that day and instead all he wanted was for the paperboy for once to acknowledge him and just once try to get to know him. After all one can only imagine how difficult it is being a lonely goat with the misfortune of having to be named Voldermort. Yes even goats have feelings.

Pursuant to the unsettling tethering, the boy consequently found himself scrambling up a tree for safety where he remained for an hour and a half whilst Voldermort gnarled at him from below.

Fortunately for Gessel, Voldermort left him in peace, it is not clear whether he just once again fell asleep or trodded off resigned to the fact that the paperboy would not properly acknowledge him.

Offered Voldermort’s owner, Marissa Benson: “He’s really happy and plays with the kids. I’ve never had him chase my kids.”

But then again Marissa’s children probably don’t deliver the news the way Gessel does.

Nonetheless thinking his ordeal was over the worst was yet to come when word quickly spread at school that Gessel had been terrorized by a goat (yes Voldermort tiptoed onto the school grounds and made sure to tell school seniors what had happened) leading to the boy being terrorized a second time round by fellow classmates.

Reflected Gessel: “People are just like, ‘Why are you scared of goats? I’m like that was a freaky goat. I think it’s like possessed or something.”

Possessed? Voldermort? Hardly, he just takes an ardent interest in sprightly paperboys who deliver all the news that is fit to deliver…

WMBFNews.com, Myrtle Beach/Florence SC, Weather

Jaxon Gessel
Jaxon Gessel. Has had better days....


  1. Poor little Voldemort is not “possessed”, he’s in rut, and apparently Jaxon smells like a doe in season. This is a dwarf-breed goat, so the boy should be grateful – if it was a Nubian or Boer, it could have been a LOT nastier.

    He should be happy that the kids in school don’t call him “goat girl”, LOL.

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