Drinking coffee has always been about the quality of the coffee beans, the cigarette in your hand and of course the book you are reading (Catcher in the Rye remains the eternal favorite that I re read every 4 years). But that it seems doesn’t tell the whole story. Drinking coffee in a pubic venue like a cafe (and of course we’re only referring to trendy hipster types cause that’s what we presume you’re into) also requires being the tireless skill of being diplomatic. Which is to say don’t talk about obvious off the radar topics (who you’re going to kill tonight, fuck, steal from etc) and if you do, please do it that only your very best friend can hear it and not the rest of us who dont want to fret about why bixch you missed your period.
So apart from other obvious rules (don’t litter, don’t steal your neighbors cafe, cookies, wallet or his/her girlfriend) one coffeeshop in San Francisco recently puts its foot down with other stellar no nonsense ideas as to how keep your coffee taking experience a memorable one. Shall we then?
“PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL OF OUR CALEDONIA NEIGHBORS BY:
…not talking about annoying hipster topics, or who you fucked last night. You shouldn’t do that anyhow, but our neighbors actually can hear you.”
And the good shit continues:
Music (especially bebop)
Money (having none of it or having a lot of it)- Scallywag; ‘I always want to run for the hills when this bixch topic comes up.
Who you fucked last night; Scallywag: ‘If you’re a hawt bixch,I’ll always casually lean in to get a good earful. But only if you’re hot.’
The written word
Beards (appreciation of)
Anything that happened before 2000- Scallywag, ‘believe it or not this can make for stimulating topic.’
Paul Ryan (in a non-sneering tone)
Money (having a normal amount of it)
Who you made beautiful love to last night
Beards (disapproval of)