Home Scandal and Gossip James John Onak would like to tell you he doesn’t recall collecting...

James John Onak would like to tell you he doesn’t recall collecting a dead pedestrian in his front seat whilst on a drink drive bender.

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How many shots does it take before you realize you’ve got a dead passenger sitting in your front seat?

dailymail.co.uk: A Houston man was arrested after he kept driving for more than a mile after a pedestrian’s body smashed through his windshield and landed in the front passenger seat this morning.

James John Onak, 49, fatally hit the pedestrian, whose car had broken down, on Interstate 45 to the southeast of the city at about 12:40am, it is alleged.

Police said that the driver was so intoxicated that he said he did not realise that the body was in his car until he was stopped by officers.

Man’s Body Found in Car after Struck: MyFoxHOUSTON.com

Personally the collective hunch at the office is that had Mr Onak stuck to clear fluids he would have at least acknowledged his dead co passenger and maybe tucked him into his seat belt- but since Mr Onak was mixing his drinks that night one could hardly expect him to notice everything or everyone he happened to run into. Something Mr Onak will bear in mind next time one day when he once again takes to behind the wheel.

The victim, who has not been identified, had pulled his Ford Explorer into the emergency lane of the freeway and was walking to a nearby fuel station.

The man, who is thought to have had car trouble on his way home from work at a Subway restaurant, had his legs severed as he was hit by the car.

Which is a round about way of saying that Mr Onak was probably listening to his favorite radio show whilst whistling into nirvana.

Police said that the pedestrian went through the windshield of the black Mazda 626 and became lodged in it.

Officers said they pulled Onak over about a mile and half from where the incident happened after they spotted him driving erratically.

When the police officer looked into the car he saw the dead body on the floorboard of the front passenger seat.

Driving erratically? One is poised to wonder if Mr Onas would have it any other way?

The driver told police that he thought his car had struck something, but he did not know what it was, despite his windscreen being shattered and the body being inside the car.

The car’s hood and roof had also caved in.

Truth be told it was probably the radio skipping radio tracks that confused Mr Onas…

The victim’s severed limbs were found on the freeway where the incident took place.

Onak faces a felony charge of failure to stop and render aid and a misdemeanour charge of tampering with evidence.

The moral of the lesson: Never drink and drive on a loaded stomach unless you’re sure your favorite radio station is playing your favorite top 40 uninterrupted. Right?

Shouldn’t you quit mixing your drinks before you hop behind the wheel too?

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  • Bd

    How*

  • Bd

    Lol you’re so fucking funny James is my 2nd cousin and alcoholism is not something to joke about in the first place. Let alone now the victims family’s feels about your humorous column.

  • JoMama

    Terrible story, but a key detail is that the victim wasn’t just walking along the side of the freeway — he was RUNNING BACK AND FORTH ACROSS THE FREEWAY. If Onak hadn’t hit him, someone else would have. One leg was severed, and the victim was thrown through Onak’s windshield and ended up underneath the dashboard on the passenger side. Onak pulled off the freeway and was stopped by a police officer who noticed that the car’s lights were out — and what you might call significant front-end damage. I’m guessing both Onak and his victim were drunk, and that Onak was probably in a state of deep shock after the event (duh) which would explain the driving around aimlessly instead of stopping and, you know, screaming for help.