There’s something in the water down in Santa Ana California… and that something, quite apparently, is semen.
32-year-old Michael Kevin Lallana stands accused of assault and battery for twice ejaculating into a co-worker’s water bottle ‘because her lips had touched it.’
Lallana reportedly “felt that was as close as he could get,” to the victim, a 29-year-old executive assistant being protected from the media by the name Jane Doe in court. Says Lallana, it never crossed his mind that she would actually drink it…
The first incident occurred January 14, 2010. As KTLA News reported, “Investigators say Lallana entered the victim’s office and,” ahem, “deposited his semen into a water bottle that was on his co-worker’s desk [my emphasis].”
“The victim, who was unaware of the bottle’s contents, drank the contaminated water. She threw it away after feeling sick,” the unnamed KTLA reporter wrote.
Despite a little tummy rumble all was well until April 9, 2010 when the victim took a swig from her water bottle and, noticing an all too familiar taste, decided to send the beverage to a lab for testing.
Shortly thereafter she was informed the bottle contained semen, later discovered — and we can only imagine how — to belong to Lallana. Imagine working in that HR Department. (“OK, everyone, today we have a random semen test! Line forms behind the water cooler.”)
Lallana’s lawyer, Eduardo Madrid, has argued that his client can’t be guilty of assault as “There was no application of force.” Of course, that could be hotly contested if we fully consider the mechanics of the incident.