21-year old Brittney Jones broke the news yesterday of her steamy secret sex romp with Ashton Kutchercouch, and all respectable news outlets have manned their battle stations for Demi’s inevitable Twitpic tittiepic response — her preferred method of lashing out publicly against Ashton’s oft-alleged infidelities.
Huffington Post: Brittney Jones tells Star she met Ashton when he, Demi and Rumer were bowling next to her at Hollywood’s Lucky Strike in July. She slipped him her number on a napkin, she claims, and he began texting her things like, “R U busy?” …. but it would be … to say a large part of the glee with which the media reports on this seems … Demi’s Twitter reaction..
“I did all the suggesting in the texts, it was like he was paranoid and didn’t want to text anything that would get him in trouble,” Brittney said. “I asked him if he wanted to meet, that’s how we made the plans.”
Soon they met for sex, she claims, (on the couch as Ashton disallowed the bedroom) while Demi was out of town.
As eager as Ms. Jones seems for the spotlight, the little details do furnish the story with a certain je ne sais quoi of credibility; especially when followed by the usual kind of 21-year old sheltered valley girl naivety we’d expect from someone who thinks knows that admitting to adulterous sex with a celebrity is a quick ‘n dirty route to both true love and famousness.
For instance, this statement from Huff Po: “He’s a great lover,” Brittney said. “Very considerate and sweet. And it was very special to me. I felt totally comfortable in his arms. It was tender and nice–not some random sex act.”
As is often the case, she knows what she’s doing, but she’s doing it anyways, as there’s still no faster route to stardom than whoring yourself out to someone; and the public hate mongering vetting process to determine whether Brittney ‘sticks’ as a sleazy pseudo-celebrity has already begun.
Either way, it’s time to tune into Demi’s Twitter, nude pics should be expected any minute.