Surrogate turkeys in your backyard, if you can find them.
Yippee, it’s that time of year where you get to see all the people you spend the rest of the year avoiding. We had a little think to ourselves on the topic of the holidays and wondered which turkey should we be bringing along this year to keep the big day as much fun as possible.
1/ Kristian Laliberte. What’s a thanksgiving party with a social (but redemptive) misfit that causes middle aged men to frown on their way to work. We love you Kristian.
2/ Adrien Field. Yes him too. Imagine eating all that juicy yummy food and your sleeves not being rolled up properly. Adrien will spank you profusely until you learn some table manners. Sorry Adrien.
3/ Jon Gosselin. Who can spend Thanksgiving without their own celebrity eyesore. Exchange fibs, high fives and don’t be surprised if, upon finding 8 little confused boys and girls, you find a very confused sorority girl.
4/ Katie Couric. Girlfriend is making money, telling you which way the world shakes, and if you let her drop by and ridicule you in front of your kids, Thanksgiving will be memorable.
5/ Victoria Secret super models. As many as you can get to the dining table. The joy of watching these girls panicking at the sight of food that their agents expressly forbade them to eat even on the holiest of days should be memorable fun.
6/ Patrick McMullan. What better way to embarrass and humiliate yourself than having a society photographer taking pictures of you getting fat.
7/ Idi Amin’s terrier dog. Even though Idi is long dead and was one of the worst and violent despotic dictators of Uganda, it would be a subtle gesture to keep passive aggressive guests in check.
8/ Jude Law and Robert Pattinson, just for the shear chance to see whether they end up making out with each other or the mother daughter combo.
9/ Your preferred drug dealer. Today would be the right day to get a few things off your chest, we’re sure your local drug dealer is accepting time slot reservations right now. Call quickly to avoid dispappointment.
10/ Lindsay Lohan because you always need someone to fuck the whole evening up and you might as well go with someone who specializes in fucking up.
