1/ Good College, Pointless Degree:
My father used to joke that many women went to school to major in M.R.S. meaning that the job of college was four prime years to scope out guys in pre-med classes, go to business lectures and chat up the boys studying for their GMATs. All the while bidding their time with degrees in things like “hospitality services” or “interior design” where there is little study and open time to date. Also, getting a good enough degree could have you working with a decent enough, say, ad agency or financial institution in the city where you could go from secretary or assistant to maternal based CEO of your established boss’s house hold. No raise could beat a lifetime financial security off the books.
1/(b) He makes a lot of money and if he must be an artist, musician or actor he must be a successful one.
We don’t want to belabor this point but good girls should when possible steer themselves to well to do investment bankers, hedge fund types, lawyers, doctors and other professions where there is a healthy income. A desire to get involved with an artist or out of work actor must take place during one’s rebellious years or if he is able to demonstrate that his father is paying for his ‘hobby,’ or he is actually making a healthy living at it , a distinct but let’s face it remote possibility.
2/ Manners, accent and a plump passport.
Ladies should take special attention to note whether your potential man comes with an accent and whether that is a high brow or low brow accent. Only a high brow accent should be considered as a low brow accent has certain ‘commoner’ implications which we don’t like.
He should also be very well versed in table manners, dress well, understand decorum and by all means have a widely stamped passport which suggests 2 things – one, he is widely traveled and thus well rounded and two, that you too soon will be widely traveled.
3/ Boyfriend Title with Assumed Monogamy:
This can be tricky but once you meet the future husband and bread winner to be, you must secure your place. Being the give a little, take a little back girlfriend usually works and if you have a sick manipulative streak go for the gutso playing off this poor rich chap’s insecurities. Another sad but true point on the check list. Assumed monogamy as you really want to think and believe that you two are meant for one another and never flirt, cheat or dabble in other activities.
4/ He Lives Alone:
Room mates are never a good sign and can get in the way of number 3. It also means he is not willing to pay for a place large enough for two alone, or he is not as wealthy as you’d like him to be…Settle up to go Dutch on the rent with no real security or go back to your law salary reports.
5/ Does He Rent, Own or Lease?:
Rentals can be right and good in the city though right to own means worlds more. Plus that signals rental income if and when you move to a spot for the both of you. A good girl should always veer for the lad who owns, after all equity is everything…
6/ Family Name:
So it might not mean much in a sea of millionaires here but certain families have already established their place in the social network of the city and surrounding retreat locations. Instant acceptance is awarded, charities already know you should receive invitations for their galas and no one ever questions reservations.
7/ His Self Care Status:
There was a time when being a gold digger meant you had to suck a few less than ideal candidates and settle for a little more cushion for the pushing. No more as men are taking better care of themselves than ever. You could score a healthy young buck with bucks. If not, this number could be helped once in the relationship. Planning exercising together and making sure to hire a chef that cooks healthy meals. Or just figure out how to order healthy groceries for the both of you. You did your part with self care….encouragement for him to do the same if he does not already is worthwhile…for your own sanity and peace of mind in the long term.
3 Point Bonus Round:
8/ Vacation homes and/or time shares:
Three words: Hamptons, Beaches, Leisure. A true perk we all want. Also gives you both a way to have alone time even during marriage. You hit the cottage, he mans the home front. Everyone wins.
If he loves animals and he loves you, there is very much room for your pebble sized smooching making yorkie. He might even walk if for you. Vet trips for its inbred malfunctioning organs are no worry when he foots the bill.
10/ He’s dated famous ex women, super models, socialites before you came along.
This is just to let you know that other girls who are lauded in society once lauded your man. This serves as pedigree and elevates your standing when people whisper didn’t he used to date Heidi Klum or that rock star or Lindsay Lohan (ok, she’s a pseudo lesbian but you get the picture…). As us girls all know a man who’s wanted or been wanted by other hot girls has usually got something you should have too…
Details aside, there is no denying that even this tongue-and-cheek list has some worth. Men, hide your assets if you see these ladies coming. Find one of the good ones left and keep her close. Women, this is no way to score a winner; do what you must but be warned, gold digger is really not a flattering title. If you know you follow the list; do so with discretion, honesty and self respect….though you could also throw caution to the wind and be shameless. Desperate Housewives will need a new season soon enough.