The big bad Recession is everywhere you look these days and those who least expected it, are feeling the pinch. While normal middle class families are struggling to make ends meet with everyone in the family needing to pull their weight with after school jobs, I happened upon the most offensive article: it seems the upper classes are also in decline, so much so, they’ve had to consider firing the gardener! Hey Rockefeller, welcome to the world of the normies! (You might want to familiarize yourself with the local metro routes). The greed of the bankers has caught up with them. Despite corporate bailouts and tax breaks from our governments, the Recession is still in full swing, and those that shared a part in the cause are feeling the effect, and in a strange way, seem to be asking for sympathy.
I read an article that reeked of desperation when an unnamed socialite described the unbearable experience of shopping at Barneys on sale. A nouveau riches to rags story, indeed! To make it in these tough times, for us normies shopping Barneys on sale isn’t exactly the corner we’re concerned with cutting. So what can you do these days to feel richer than a Rockefeller (apart from pointing and laughing in the direction of the socialite clipping coupons)?
There is good news in your newfound poverty. For starters, chic Recessionistas, stop calling it poverty, and accept that you are now living Bohemianly. Like so many of the fashion set before you, take up a creative hobby and call yourself an artist. We all do it, are we poor because we’re artists, or are we artists because we’re poor?
Some habits are going to be quite hard to break. Despite my bohemian lifestyle, I wouldn’t be caught dead in the same outfit twice a season. This is where “vintage” shopping comes in handy. You’ll need to hit up a local thrift store, and rummage. I may not be able to afford the latest YSL bag, but I’ve got a hell of an art deco ashtray collection and a new label from my not-so-bohemian friends: eccentric. They think my apartment is just so ‘darling’ and coming over for dinner and drinks is like an excursion into how the other half lives. If vintage isn’t your thing, you may have to moonlight at a boutique where discounts are given to employees.
Love going out for dinner? The lobster bisque at Butter is out of reach, but a dinner party isn’t. Once a week have a themed dinner party. Invite your friends and enlist them in bringing a course and costume each. One lass brings the pink champagne and another brings the assless chaps and denim cut-offs. The simplest way to feel in touch with society is to have society come to you. Instead of going out, stay in, and invite your army to sit in with you.
Get Smart(er). With all this free time, pick up a book. Read. When else are you going to have the time and patience to finally finish Ulysees? Think of it as an extended vacation (without pay). Plus, there’s nothing more suave than hanging out at the public library. With technology infiltrating every aspect of our lives, it would be nice to know that there are people that still make use of this public service. It’s also a great way to size up a potential date. You can learn a lot about a person perusing over their reading lists. American Psycho? Sounds like a perfectly sound Saturday night with a sane potential suitor. Does he read anything Nicholas Sparks? He’s probably gay and suppressing it.
And finally: look for a new job. You can’t be on vacation forever, as pleasant as Bohemia is. The Recession can’t last forever, and something has got to turn up. It just has to, otherwise I’ll be the one on the street corner selling vintage ashtrays to make this months rent. Who needs a vacation?