In new developments a source has told our outlet that Faigy Mayer’s suicide at 230 Fifth avenue comes after ongoing trauma and haranguing at the hands of the Ultra Orthodox Hasidic Jewish faith that she had so desperately sought to detach herself from. Yet it would be the woman’s bid to live a secular life that would be her undoing as she came in turn to be punished ….
Faigy Mayer eviction: ‘I feel Hasidic Judaism shouldn’t exist at all.’
Faigy Mayer funeral: ‘I didn’t want to be a mom with 20 kids’
Faigy Mayer depression: Struggled being rejected from family
Why did Faigy Mayer leap to her death? Patrons continued drinking.
Upon having made the difficult decision to leave the religious group, Mayer found herself being tormented by the group who upon learning of her decision set out to have her very own family ostracize her and make her into a pariah for daring to live a secular existence.
An existence that many in the ultra fundamentalist group fear they have little choice but to repudiate and to punish those who dare to leave the group for fear that others might also be tempted to discard the fundamentalist group.
Told our source: ‘She was shunned and ostracized
‘Reprimanded is a ‘light’ word.’
Adding: ‘That’s what happens when you leave ultra orthodoxy,’
‘Or any fundamental group they cannot have u a part of the family because you will influence the others.’
Asked if the ostracism is simply reserved for women, our source, themselves a former member of the Jewish Hasidic community who suffered after their family sought a secular existence told:
‘They show big punishment and you are out for men and women equally,’
‘You have no one,’
‘You learn that the world is a bad and scary and oftentimes sad place and then you maybe beg forgiveness and promise to behave and you can come back.’
The source would also tell of other heinous instances of complete ostracism from the community.
Reiterated the source: ‘There are others who you could contact,’
‘Like Pearl Perry Reich who had her kids taken away from her because she became secular and another guy Abe Weiss whose girlfriend killed herself last year her name was Deb Tabor,’
‘This is why people are afraid to leave the community,’
‘You get screwed’
Opined Eliyahu Fink, a former rabbi at the Pacific Jewish Center who shared several common friends with Mayer on Facebook via Forward, “As a community, we must do a better job loving unconditionally. Too many people make their relationships dependent on religious observance. This compounds the trauma and loneliness for those who leave.”
In the weeks leading up to her suicide, Mayer had been exhibiting increasing signs of depression and angst, with Ari Mandel telling the nypost: ‘She was in and out of mental institutions every so often. In between, she was a really lovely person.’
Underscoring the degree of tension since Faigy’s suicide death, commentators on Facebook this afternoon have taken the Hasidic community to task for being directly attributable for her death, which leads to the awkward question: does the Jewish Hasidic community have blood on their hands?
Thanks for posting this. I believe you. It looks like she & I belonged to a lot of the same groups on Meetup (though I don’t think I ever met her), and from looking through her Twitter, I get a similar vibe…that she was someone who attended a lot of these tech Meetups because she was a beginner looking to learn more and break into the field. I’ve been there.
I’m sorry that you lost your friend in this way and I appreciate that you’re trying to set the record straight. I think you should get in touch with media yourself, though…even Gothamist or something.
Mendel! This is disGRACEful! You call yourself Jewish and say such things in print to the world? A thousand shames on you!
I realize she had serious mental issues for a long time. She also needed serious support from family and community and she wasn’t getting it. The human spirit is like water. The harder you squeeze it the more it slips out of your fist. The community that tries to squeeze/force people to stay in their group will eventually die out and be lost as all of the young ones leave.
Shut up! You’re clueless.
Faigys death is extremely painful to me. I would love to talk to you about it Finnette. You can contact me at facebook or at [email protected]
blame it on every one but your self
the otd community should’ve been there for her she’s not the first to go and prob not the last and to blame the orthodox jews for it s a shame and anti semitic
something the ppl that killed 6 million of our ancestors would use in their articles
blaming other people for your issues and problems wont ever solve it will just turn you into a sour self hating hypocrite
sounds like footsteps loves the dying attention
LITERALLY
sometimes it is NOT what it seems. This tragedy was NOT an OTD story. This was a family filled with mental unbalance. Aunts who are fake therapists. Grandmothers hiding family secrets. And they happen to be Hasidim. Sort of. Oddly the family Faigy came from dont really obey any Rabbi or regularly attend any one Shul. They are a mix of observances.
That said,many here are finding it hard to accept that perhaps they got it all wrong.
Being Hasidic made it harder for Faigy but her family’s own mental problems was why.
Half of her family didnt have such problems and supported her, tried to help her. Her extended family did as well.
At least ONE story got it right and shows that poor Faigy made most of her life up in her head:
funny enough KTLA got it correct and quoted someone who helped Faigy learn coding
“Another friend, Jason Wisdom, told KTLA sister station WPIX that Mayer wanted to be a tech entrepreneur.
“She wanted to be a successful, iOS developer; she was taking classes,” Wisdom said. “And she was having challenges getting started there, so she was unhappy about that.””
she WANTED to be and was studying, taking classes.
she did NOT complete her masters. She wasnt YET an entrepreneur, or employed as a coder. She attended conferences pretending to be one of them. She made a website and WANTED to be an entrepreneur and so named herself “CEO” of a company only in her head.
sad truth is she was terribly ill. As well as funny, warm, kindhearted and always looking for her mother’s love.
A story of mental illness in a woman who also happen to be OYTD is a far cry different than a story of how OTD makes you ill because of ostracization./
MANY do get traumatized, many DO have PTSD from the experience. BUT this girl had far more troubles than OTD could explain. and Im sorry if this thought is upsetting to those clinging to their own reality
funny enough KTLA got it correct and quoted someone who helped Faigy learn coding
“Another friend, Jason Wisdom, told KTLA sister station WPIX that Mayer wanted to be a tech entrepreneur.
“She wanted to be a successful, iOS developer; she was taking classes,” Wisdom said. “And she was having challenges getting started there, so she was unhappy about that.””
she WANTED to be and was studying, taking classes.
she did NOT complete her masters. She made a website and WANTED to be an entrepreneur and so named herself “CEO” of a company only in her head.
sad truth is she was terribly ill. As well as funny, warm, kindhearted and always looking for her mother’s love.
I happen to agree that the immediate family is responsible, as they are for Faigy’s sisters illness too. They refused proper care and are themselves unstable. Her mother and grandmother of ONE side refused those pictures. Lets blame the right people. She has a sister still in a state psych facility being told its better for her there than heaven forbid she tell family secrets!
BUT to lump this in with the very supportive father’s side ( yes Hasidic), and her secular family ( including my family) is a BIG mistake.
This isnt a simple OTD battle people.
she wasnt forced and was not only helped by many of us to l;eave, her fathers family supported her in all she did. financially and emotionally. this woman was very seriously ILL. she went to college. She started grad school. she ate what she wanted. went where she wanted.
she may have FELT as if she couldnt when younger..but in reality this woman wasnt under the same constraints as others in her group.
Pace, truth is not slander and fwiw I am NOT within Hasidic life.I was Faigy’s secular guidepost. I brought her to Footsteps for support. I released her from countless psych ward stays.
Please first understand the facts before you judge
I have no problem sharing this because in death, and for the good of others I am ethically able to share many details.
Please dont be so close minded as to lump all orthodox into the same box. and also to blame this life on Faigy’s death. she died trying to get her mother’s attention. sadly this was never going to be.
I DARE Tova because its important to be truthful. keeping a memory true is NOT trashing it. Im sorry that your beliefs are challenged. I have NO interest in protecting or saving face of any group. After you speak to the countless Drs and others who do know the truth then perhaps you will shut your foul mouth. I feel very sad for you to need to cling to false belief to feel better. Faigy cannot rest in peace if her memory is used falsely. if her truths are hidden. She wanted and needed attention and sadly from one person..her mother and even today couldnt get it.
TOVA I would be more than happy to talk with you but clearly you have zero interest in what was so.
slander is not telling truth. I spent years with her, 24/7 supporting her, even when she was in paranoid delusional rants. Getting her to good Drs. Getting her into Footsteps to support her OTD. Interesting is the way some of you are reacting
What a horrible comment below. She had “problems” because she was forced most of her life to be in a cult that wouldnt let her drive, wouldn’t let her go to college, and wanted to force her to be a baby making machine.
I doubt you were her “medical advocate,” or you wouldn’t share this.
Another person to attempt to slander her.
These cults need to be burned to the ground.
Some family member you are. Here on the internet slandering Faigy’s memory. Interesting
How dare you, you wretched, mean spirited witch! The woman is dead and all you can think of is trashing her memory and saving the face of the Hasidic community. If all I had was YOU for an advocate, I’d probably jump too. Shame on you! Crawl back into your miserable cave and let Faigy rest in peace. She at least tried to better her life, in spite of having people like you in it.
shame on all of you. I am a secular extended family member who was Faigy’a medical advocate. and can tell you all that the cause of this was mental illness and a very sick immediate family. A sister is still in a state facility. the leaving Hasid life just added to the problem for sure BUT Faigy’s fathers family ALL supported her and welcomed her…when she was on her medication and safe to be around.
Please dont disrespect her memory. Or the many mentally ill that need help.
bizarrely the news is making a
mockery of what was her tortured existence.
Sadly Faigy had serious and ongoing mental health problems. Many years of many
long term psych hospitalizations from late teens until less than a year ago. She
did not have any sort of happy life, tortured and uncomfortable in either world
( Hasidic or secular). I laugh at the articles stating she must have been a
foodie because she was anorexic and obsessed about posting food pics to seem as if she was eating. See how thin she was? I also feel saddened that she is not remembered as she was, and instead a cartoon, made up by writers assuming things from falsity posted by a mentally ill girl on twitter and facebook.
Recently she was in a prolonged manic state and was starting to feel the
backlash of the many lies she had built up into a false persona. Her
“CEO” title was self applied, and her “company” was but a
dream and a website. Her degrees and work experience was mostly exaggerated or made
up. She wanted so badly to BE a programmer that she went to events and
conferences pretending she already WAS in the field. She once said to her
father’s family, who did support her (unlike her immediate family who did
not),that she wanted to be famous,to be known as another persona..not the real Faigy.
Even in
the documentary about leaving Hasidic life, she couldnt tell the whole truth
and much untrue was mixed into her story. Her fathers family were VERY
supportive but she couldn’t admit that lest it dilute her being victim.
She often said getting good at pretending was better and faster than doing the work.The past several months she worked to build that fake programming, top of the world, “other” Faigy, and then, on a manic medicated state
probably thought “what the hell, Im on top and soon to be found out, so
Ill jump”.. I sit here disheartened that she hid her turmoil so well that
those around her didnt know how much she needed to be saved, I sit here sad
that I couldnt do more, but as one of her Drs said to me ” often you cant
save a person whose illness is so ingrained, so much a part of their
belief”. I hope the world will know, NOT the fake, made up cartoon media
has cobbled together from assumptions and untrue snippets, but the REAL Faigy:
intelligent, kind, confused , tortured, and deserving of far more than she
got.May she rest in peace.
Please do NOT corrupt her memory by blaming Hasidic life. Her fathers family are Hasids and wouldve embraced her even more had she only been able to remain stable taking her meds.