Here’s a video of a father over training his kid to be a future football player cause life wouldn’t mean much otherwise…
There are some ways to inspire children and then there are clearly other ways to pulverize them until eternity. The below video might belong in the latter category.
The nasty shit came to be when a video showing that of a toddler boy being forced to run alongside his father’s moving car began to make the rounds.
Why was the little boy being made to run like a banshee next to a moving vehicle you wonder?
Cause dad wants to groom his son into a future college football hero.
But of course dad, otherwise known as Brian Yates from Texas (I really wish I wasn’t surprised) wants to differentiate his little toddler son. He really wants him to understand what it’s going to take to one day become a football hero.
There are never enough football heroes in the world at the same time, but there ought to be.
Tells daddy bumpkins: ‘This is how we train for football.’
Yes kids, daddy is grinning, it’s a winning formula and only he and us know it.
Continues daddy, screaming at his little shit of a son (daddy went first, sorry): ‘Daddy drives and you run. Now get your little ass in shape!’
Kids tell me you’re not begging for a bus to suddenly roll up and for you to start prancing up a hill with the bus stomping on your backside, faster you little bixch, this is the way weight watchers really works.
With daddy’s vehicle traveling at 8mph, daddy begins to scream at his little soon to be permanently traumatized but future football star son: ‘Come on. Faster Yates. You’re running like old Brian Yates. He ain’t worth a shit, an old slow son of a bitch. Pick it up!’
Naturally the boy comes to decide that daddy is off his rocker and screams back at the devil: ‘I’m going as fast as I can,’
But the devil wants and demands excellence. Don’t we all?
Yelling at his prized possession: ‘I don’t want to hear your excuses. Do you want to play for the Texans or the Cowboys?’
The answer of course is our little munchkin wants to only play for daddy, assuming the bus honking behind his back doesn’t knock him off the radar, but that shit would only be a minor inconvenience.
Tells Lucifer: ‘If you want to play for the Cowboys pick that shit up!’
As the madness convoy reaches the front gates of the family household, the little boy starts to complain (spoilt sport!) that his hip hurts, clutching his chest.
Of course Lucifer by now has seen every trick in the cookbook and screams back he doesn’t want to hear any excuses.
As Lucifer and son turn into the driveway, Lucifer’s demonville is seen cruising dangerously close behind his son. For good measure, cause a future football star’s stamina is involved, Lucifer even increases the speed of his warrior charger to 10 mph.
It isn’t until the boy comes to his senses that Lucifer is way out of his depths that he runs away from him and into the comfort of the house, knowing full well that one day he will be the tortured valedictorian quarter back that his father always wanted to be.
Original video placed here