Home Pop Culture The art of getting yourself invited back to the Hamptons, share or...

The art of getting yourself invited back to the Hamptons, share or no share.

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Hamptons share/invite. This could be waiting for you if you play your cards right.
Hamptons share/invite. This could be waiting for you if you play your cards right.

The ins and outs of getting laid in the Hamptons.

Why I’m dreading the Hamptons.

Getting out to the Hamptons can be a revitalizing experience, it can also on the other hand be a nerve wrecking experience. Getting yourself out to the Hamptons on a continual basis may be also be more of the above, but that said negotiating your consistent stay out in the Hamptons where one is often finding themselves amongst upwardly mobile New Yorkers (have a look at the cars people are driving and the prices you will be expected to pay for simple treats like breakfast and lunch, never mind dinner and you will sense the Hamptons attracts a particular crowd indeed) which if one is to get to know on a repeated schedule will require some finesse.

For those of you too poor to buy your own Hamptons house, or not already part of a Hamptons share there are ways to get those invites. That said, Debbie Rodriguez, seasoned  Hamptonite herself  ( she is also the Founder and Events Chair for “Hamptons Social Network”, a non-profit social media group that benefits the NYC & Hamptons communities) explains how. Although if I could add a caveat before you all start reading Debbie’s pointers, I would  advise the following as a snapshot, now that I too have been able to finesse the subtle art of being consistently invited to these shores: don’t smoke in the house, don’t start fights with other members of the share(I’ve witnessed horror situations), don’t hit on the girlfriend/boyfriend of the host or their guests, don’t mooch off other people, don’t vomit in the living room after a wild night out, don’t presumptuously invite hordes of guests to join you (especially after a night on the town) don’t always talk about yourself, don’t refuse to share your cigarettes and other toys (you know what I mean), don’t sit in your room by yourself or worse you or your lover and not come up for air, that’s just bad form and finally even if you have no designs on your host, as this sometimes may be the reason why you’re pretty ass is there in the first place, do at least be pleasant, vivacious, appreciative and even buy your host breakfast or dinner, you’ll stand out from the many other ingrates guests that your seasoned host has had to deal with over the years.Scallywag.


So how do you actually finesse repeat invitations to the Hamptons?

The Hamptons–An invitation as a guest to someone’s home is often the best way to enjoy The Hamptons. These magnificent upscale beach towns, located on the eastern tip of Long Island, are the top summer destination pick for many Manhattanites. The Hamptons, comprising a region encompassing almost 60 miles from Westhampton to Montauk, is known as a popular playground for the rich and famous. The area offers visitors a wide variety of recreational activities, including charity functions, beach, boating, art exhibits, Polo, golf, tennis, designer boutiques, and much more.

Bear in mind that Hamptons’ homes and those in other summer resorts are not only family and friends retreats but also social tools, providing opportunities to make connections and enjoy recreation. This is especially true of Manhattan’s upwardly mobile professionals who are delaying marriage and are single. Although they may be single, they own five-bedroom homes with lots of room. Hosts, as well as guests, want to meet people and expand their personal and professional circles.

Having a great time during the summer and fulfilling your social objectives requires some thoughtful juggling. If you are a busy professional in Manhattan, you probably figured out already that there are not a vast number of lodging options in The Hamptons; yet, there’s a wide variety of good times to be had.

What are your summer weekend lodging options in The Hamptons?

• Purchase a share rental with a group of friends and/or colleagues. This is costly, involves due diligence, takes time to plan, and may require sharing a room. You may meet a large number of people, but it is fraught with privacy issues.

• Stay in a bed and breakfast, inn or hotel. The Hamptons is not situated in a single town – it’s a large region, which may require a car or taxi. This option is also expensive.

• Get invited, again, next year to someone’s home. This could be a unique and more valuable way of experiencing a fun weekend in The Hamptons, while building or maintaining relationships. This alternative may be easier than you think, if you play your cards right. However, if you think like the average self-absorbed New Yorker, you will not get very far.

How do you make sure you are invited, back again, next year; or even get invited for the first time?

At a minimum, proper etiquette and behavioral skills, which are expected during your stay, should include the following:

• Bring a consumable gift for the host/house.
• Volunteer with household duties. The host isn’t your hotel maid!
• Treat the host to a meal if outside the home.
• Use social networking tools, such as Facebook friends, to stay in touch.
• Always ask for and exchange business cards with a host.
• Send a thank you note, handwritten or by email.
• Be a team player and participate in the host’s schedule.

Guess what – these basic etiquette rules are just not enough. To ensure that a great experience happens, again next summer, or even to procure an initial invitation, the secret is to follow the Chinese proverb: “Give what you’d like to receive.” If you want a personal invite, give one!

If you have access to someone on a business or social level that the host may find interesting, arrange an introduction. For example, extend an invitation to your host to a social activity to form a meaningful friendship (e.g., cocktail reception, sporting event, dinner gathering, brunch, seminar, birthday party, an introduction to a potential business contact or a date, etc.). As one Montauk homeowner told me, “If someone merely buys me dinner once in the winter. I never forget that person when it’s time for a full weekend invite to my beach house.” The same feeling was shared by a well-known hostess of parties in Southampton who revealed, “It’s amazing the number of people who come to my party and don’t ask for my card, and never stay in touch with me afterwards or remember me when they host, or even when they could bring me as a plus one to something they know of, and yet expect to be invited to my next event. How inconsiderate!”

You do not need to have a quid pro quo arrangement (e.g., Miami condo, home in the Berkshires or a ski house) to reciprocate to your host. Some of the simplest actions work just as effectively. The key is to offer specific quantifiable examples of genuine hospitality, not just gestures. The reciprocation is the primary factor that establishes the true relationship or personal connection in a more meaningful way. As a result, the host is likely to offer you future invites or at least keep your name on top of the guest list.

The message is clear. Don’t fall into an abyss and wait until summer rolls around and you start remembering how pleasant it was in The Hamptons and how generous it was to stay under someone’s roof. Get your schmooze on throughout the year and nurture that relationship. If you implement some basic rules of proper etiquette and have a genuine desire to establish real connections, obtaining that personal invitation will be much easier than you think.

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