We’re kind of chaffing at the bit here, but forgive us as we put away our little black book and go for the latest little tart that is causing dizzy eyeball palpatations at all the disco booths east of Malibu spas.
D listed: The National Enquirer brings us this shocking tale that will make you drop the lube bottle (not really). An author who goes by the name of Robert Randolph is about to release a book about the “underground secret world of celebrity gay spa sex” in Hollywood.
Robert is planning to name names, but the first one he has spat up is probably the least shocking of them all. Robert tells the Enquirer that he has witnessed John Travolta humping on several different dudes at several different spas in L.A.
I don’t know about you kids, but I for one had no idea that Johnny was cruising them locker rooms. Had I known I would have kept mine halfway open with a chilled bottle of Dom Perignon. Seriously, would you gents turn down an opportunity to have Johnny’s saliva drifting amiably at the back of your mouth?
Robert said, “I met John in 1998, after he had married Kelly. I believe the marriage is a total fraud because John is totally into guys and has been having sex with them behind Kelly’s back for years. He came on to me a number of times. I always turned him down. But there was always some guy who was willing to have sex with him. And John didn’t stop cheating on Kelly after either of their children was born. John’s a cheating dog. It’s just been wrong, because his wife seems like such a sweet woman.”
Behind Kelly’s back too? Kids that’s an extra 3 points (on top of the other 97 out of a possible 100) for scandal factor. At least Johnny could have the decency to have it ‘on’ with a double laminated copy of the good old gal against the back of the tin shed. I know I would…
Robert, who passed a lie detector test for his interview with the Enquirer, also said that John’s “secret gay life is one of Hollywood’s worst kept secrets. He blatantly cruises guys, and doesn’t seem to care who sees him. I saw him with his lover and he couldn’t get enough. John should come out of the closet already and stop living a lie. His wife Kelly deserves so much better.”
Next time I hit the gym kids I’m going to lay myself double satin sheets in my locker and hope Johnny notices…