Soon Americans will be quitting in style…
One minute you’re escaping down an emergency airplane chute the next you’re being offered a lucrative TV deal. Welcome to America’s new object of fascination – Steven Slater who has tapped into American’s disdain for their crummy jobs and the things they have to tolerate…
Denver post: Steven Slater is in talks to get his own reality show, TMZ reports.
The premise? Helping miserable employees quit their jobs in style.
Citing “well-placed industry sources,” the gossip site claims that reality TV production company Stone Entertainment has offered Slater the chance to star in his own inspirational show, showing unhappy workers how to go out with a bang.
Inspirational ways of quitting in style? Now this makes us wonder, what type of inspirational things will our Steven be showing demoralized workers?
Will he have unhappy waiters bringing hapless cows out of the kitchen and commanding them to produce creme fraiche for that insolent customer who can never get enough free coffee? Will he have hapless accountants booking gratitious expenses to their corporates bursary- last month’s team phone sex bill, all expense paid meals to Vito’s Lobster house for the slackest of employees or can we expect to see telemarketers pretending to be Tom Cruise luring unsuspecting douche customers to be in Misty Tom’s next thriller all the while parading in Pee Wee Herman outfits in front of a confused $12 an hour secretary?
Kids, we can be spending the rest of our lives watching Steven fighting for the common man on your own private pay per view extended telethon and writing him memos as to why he needs to drop by and help us out of our own particular misery. In fact I’m going to write Steven universal battler of tortured employee a letter now…
Though a TV deal has not been officially inked and could fall apart at any minute, TMZ reports that Slater’s lawyer has indeed received the offer.
Not officially inked? This can’t be so. Steven please show TMZ and the folks at Stone Entertainment my letter forthwith. We must fight for the common man at any cost.
“Dear Sweet Steve,”
I am a tortured tabloid hack, day in day out I am forced to write about the peril of the American diaspora, the fruit flies nibbling on Snooki’s Golden Margarita, the miserable inmates stealing Lilo’s prison supply of white straws, the hideous hanger ons who clammer in front of Patrick McMullan’s magic camera, the strain of Heidi Montag having to endure another face lift. It is utterly unbearable and yet I continue, for the sake of all the sun drenched starving serfs waifs of America. Please Steve, I need you to help me orchestrate a momentous public stunt to free my soul.
Perhaps we can kidnap Perez Hilton (or even you, if your schedule permits), make our own infomercial warning innocent Americans of the dangers of tabloid bunk or storm uninvited to Anna Wintours house and demand she explain why society is going down the chute. We’ll even bring Anna a spare airplane chute to jump out of, but this time we will be prepared and have all the relevant paparazzi there.
What do you think Steve? Tell me you will write me back and help me save my soul and tell my collective readership to go to hell.
I eagerly wait your response.
Your new best friend and tortured media hack,