As we all know new years eve is amateur night. Of course we also know that you are not an amateur but that probably wont stop you from behaving like one anyway. That said here is a count by count list of all the fatal mistakes we know that you will inevitably make anyway.
1/ You will of course get so loaded that at some point you will not recognize yourself and that it’s just an awful omen as people will be forced to sidestep you on the pavement as you make out with your vomit and the foot path.
2/ You will probably end up hitting on someone with coke strands hanging halfway down your nose. Rest assured the minute they send you packing (unless of course they are a coke whore ) they will be twittering to the world how much of a douche bag you are. Remember comportment goes a long way. Please do your coke bingeing discreetly.
3/ You will at some point in your life get arrested for ‘excessive behavior.’ We plead with you now, if you get locked away in bookings they will not be serving you any champagne there- so take it easy, unless it’s an experience you think you can turn into a movie deal.
4/ Under the influence of alcohol you will be tempted to reach out and give Kristian Laliberte a heartfelt hug- don’t do it- he will never forgive you.
5/ Inevitably you will be preening your pretty self in front of every camera that comes your way- be careful to make sure that the icing under your nose is just that.
6/ We would also ask you to refrain from beating your spouse tomorrow evening as only Hollywood celebrities are only allowed to beat their spouses on public holidays.
7/ By extension you may also end up overdosing on a molotov of drug cocktails. Please refrain from doing so unless of course you happen to be a Hollywood celebrity or a coke whore like Lindsay Lohan.
8/Do not make out with the help in public- it is considered a faux pas in ‘high’ (false) society. We suggest you wait until they get off work first.
9/Do not make the mistake of bringing strange people back to your house after your partying- they will refuse to leave (forever).
10/ Do not make the mistake of telling people who you really are because inevitably your bad behavior will make the rounds. Better to tell guests that your name is Kristian.