The things (troubled) young men should (never?) know…
In this week’s fun edition of ask Viceland dimwit and inspiring man about town RON, Ron gets a doozy of a question that had even us wondering what psychopath sent him this letter?- “How does one give a beating and how does one take one too?”
Reminded of our youth and the many bar brawl fights we’ve witnessed we decided to share with you some of Ron’s observations (just in case you are in the mood for a good beating or looking to beat some one up). First up though, violence is nothing we condone but we do live in a world that is full of inconsistent and illicit behavior and once in a while it helps to try to understand it, even if we don’t like it.
So according to Ron, if you are about to have your ass whipped it helps to have the following things in order.
Look for the biggest kid in the pack and make sure you get a pot shot and knock him down.
Our response- Ron, you are out of your mind, the minute that big kid shows up we are running the other way or calling the police and as far as trying to use reason/psychology on a goon it’s like thinking that you’re going to stop some maniacal pit bull terrier on the loose with a dog biscuit in the loose part of your jeans.
Of course if you do fancy yourself in a good mood and don’t mind telling friends in the not too distant future about the rivets holding your jaw in place(notice picture above?) we suggest you roll up your sleeves and let that part of you have it’s day in light. Who knows, maybe violence is your thing and somehow in the process of having your skull cracked you become a makeshift hero in your eternal imagination…
On the part about giving the beating, RON once again waffles, so let us give it to all you aspiring punks.
For those of you looking to give someone a fantastic beating we would suggest you do it in the vicinity of the victim’s family and best friends, so after you have given that person a thorough beating you too will be ensured a fantastic beating in return.
Otherwise we think the best remedy is for you to hold your ego and rage in check and if that doesn’t work join a gym and start boxing with other zanies like yourself.
Have we cleared that up for you psycho? Now leave us alone so we can go back to our literature…