Val Kilmer wants to apologize for calling you a homicidal drunk!

Val Kilmer wants to apologize for calling you a homicidal drunk!The things a Hollywood actor has to take back.

Val Kilmer decided yesterday to apologize to all them bitches he’s been calling ho’s, drunks, good for nothing maniacs over the last few years in various press interviews. Want to find out how cranky Val fared? Let’s read on together you bitches…

Huffpo: LAS VEGAS, N.M. — Val Kilmer took the unusual step Wednesday of going before a county commission in rural New Mexico to make amends with some of his neighbors who are angry over disparaging comments attributed to the actor over the years.

Yummy. Do you think Val was quietly counting who was in that room so he could later drop by their homes and slap them in the face for forcing him to get on his knees and cry like a braying donkey- ‘Yo- I’m so sorry bitch, I didn’t know what came over me? I just hate you all, but then my publicist had this idea that I should beg for your forgiveness because suddenly it wasn’t cool to call all you bitches homewreckers and white trash anymore, especially with my career in free fall and all… Hey you know I was only joking bitch…hahaha.’

San Miguel County commissioners invited Kilmer to explain magazine interviews in which he said he lives in the “homicide capital of the Southwest” and proclaimed that 80 percent “of the people in my county are drunk.” He also made insensitive comments about war veterans.

War veterans? Weren’t they also the ones protesting Val’s existence?

With a prepared statement folded in his hands, he explained that his words were taken out of context and misunderstood.

“I can only ask that you view my apology as a stepping stone toward repairing this misunderstanding between us so that we can go forward, working together toward a common interest in promoting and protecting our beloved New Mexico,” Kilmer said.

Which is just another way of saying ‘ Please don’t come looking for me in my backyard anymore, the broken beer bottles and all that rough neck beating is your business, but please for the sake of New Mexico (and my fledging career) let’s get over this you bad ass bitches, I mean ho’s, I mean wife beaters? Well you know what I mean you bitches. Christ, is there a toilet where I can puke? By the way who took my Jack Beam?”