Let’s move on to another important topic. I don’t want to be mean, but I will. If you’re a fat couple, please don’t walk side to side. The sidewalk is only so wide. You leave no choice for me but to walk into traffic. I understand you have a metabolism problem. But, don’t be selfish. Walk front to back. Take a cab. Or stay at home? OK, I’m sorry that was wrong. You’re obviously welcome to walk the streets as you please. I only ask that you consider the standard walking rules when applicable. “C’mon fatso- get out of my way!” Oops there I go again being a jack ass, makes you wonder…
It rains a lot in New York. So, the umbrella dilemma is quite common. I wondered if people knew the proper umbrella etiquettes. Let’s say you’re approaching a solid New York City walker. He has the gait. The hundred-mile stare. The blue tooth. He’s got it all. In his hand is a rather large umbrella, and yours is no fairy either. Who raises whose umbrella over the others’? Is it first come, first serve? No. Does it come down to height? Maybe, but there may not be enough time to appropriately eye up and discern the height of the approaching pedestrian. Well, what about seniority? Bingo. I believe the younger person should have the courtesy to raise his umbrella over the elders, in order to prevent clashing and subsequent splashing. Hey, that rhymed. Only in America. I had to say that. Without these rules, our streets would have total chaos. I believe I’m doing this country a service by providing this valuable information. Of course that doesn’t mean I don’t think the guy sticking his umbrella in my face isn’t a jack ass…
If New York City walking was an Olympic sport, I really think I’d place. Maybe not the gold or anything, but I’m sure I could win one of those bronze medals. Quite sure actually. I feel like a young running back looking for the cracks in traffic, the possible set backs, the handicapped, the right moments to put on a burst of speed. It’s exhilarating to tell you the truth. So my baseball career never really took off. But, I’ll be damned if I let my walking career take a back seat. No coach can bench me in this event. Do you think they pay well for a career like that? Am I getting way over my head again? (sigh) I’m getting tired of all this anyway. Let me take a break….Oh, I’m sorry. Yes, I know the walking etiquettes of New York. My feet were hurting that’s all. I’m sorry I was in your way. No, I am not a tourist Jack- ass. Mmh there I go again…
