Blue Ivy Carter is officially rap Illuminati and never shall the twain depart…
Kids, we might all still be in a recession but some of us it seems will never grow up to fully understand what that word actually ever means. Never mind, what’s good for some of us is despicable for the 1% of us.
dlisted: This is the list of Veruca Salt-approved shit that’s in Blue Ivy Carter’s life:
A Swarovski-studded high chair by Carla Monchen – $15,000
A Fantasy Posh Tots Coach Carriage Crib – $22,000
A gold handmade rocking horse by Ginza Tanaka – $600,000
A windmill playhouse – $30,000
A lucite crib – $35000
The source adds that Blue Ivy already has a designer wardrobe worth thousands and a diamond rattle from Tiffany & Co. Beyonce and Jay-Z also spent $350,000 on cloning Blue Ivy’s Manhattan nursery in their other homes. The daughter of the 1% has been born!
Kids, let’s be honest not even the Queen of dysfunctional entertainment, Oprah doesn’t have a rocking horse worth $600 000 although I wouldn’t be surprised to find out she has a canary cage that’s worth $300 000 with diamond speckled bird crumbs just like Blue Ivy Carter will have when she’s old enough to have a flotilla of Noah’s ark in her nursery room. Really would you expect any less from Jay-Z or Beyonce? Actually I’m thinking of writing them a please adopt me letter.
Shall we try?
Dear Jay-Z and Beyonce,
First of all let me thank you both for bringing the newest ray of sunshine into my life, Blue Ivy. May she also become just as famous and loved as both of you and nearly as good looking.
Going forward I now know I will have much more to blog about, viles and viles of envy seeping from my tongue and a perennial fixation to know what Blue Ivory Carter will be up to at every waking moment.
I will dream, reminisce and giggle with every passing media whore dribble that Blue Ivory will utter from her $600 000 crib. My only saw point being that there will never be enough room for all of us to nestle with Blue Ivory as she is silently rocked to sleep. I’m sure her dreams will be sweet and full of diamond trinkets, trinkets that I am sure both of you will take great care to sprinkle underneath her pillow whilst Blue Ivory languidly slumbers away.
To be honest I was wondering why you chose the name Blue Ivory? Personally I would have steered towards ‘Expensive Gold Flake,’ or another personal favorite of mine,’ Crystal Illuminati Boombox.’ It does have a nice ring about it?
Yes, you’re right, a trifle gauche…
That said like every other media whore blogger I am weeping bundles of tears and wishing you all my love. Please find my application to also be Blue Ivory’s new adopted brother.
Lots of love bixches
signed a hopeful and sadly resigned
Kids, do you think Jay Z and Beyonce them bixches are going to adopt me? It would be nice to be lavished on even for half a minute even if Blue Ivory has a lifetime to look forward to it.
If only you were a former crack dealer turned diamond tiered rap mogul too with a suburban mall wife turned good too. Unless of course you already are…