If you can recall the scene in The Corrections (or perhaps you’re waiting for the Noah Baumbach HBO version), one of the characters goes to an expensive health food store curiously reminiscent of Whole Foods and decides to slide a seventy-dollar piece of raw fish down his pants. It’s quite a humorous situation, him running into an acquaintance at the checkout, and it may be possible that the man at the center of this news item, Nathan Mark Hardy, was inspired by that very scene. Probably not, though.
Mr. Hardy was on probation, and as he was strolling along the local Winn Dixie in southern Mississippi Saturday afternoon, he presumably worked it out in his head that walking out with two live lobsters, two bags of jumbo shrimp, and a pork loin in his cargo shorts was a wise notion. Well, they are high-ticket items.
That pork loin didn’t make it out of the store, though. Hardy, now caught with a lobster or two in his pocket, threw it at the employees and ran out the store, Police Chief Wayne Payne , a man with a reputation for bringing the pain, no doubt. Unfortunately, hapless Hardy fell en route. He was arrested on the scene, charged with misdemeanor shoplifting.
Winn Dixie, if you lowered your meat prices, perhaps this sort of unseemly incident would not take place. And cheers to Mr. Hardy for raising the stakes stealing live lobsters. That’s one way to use those cargo shorts.