For those of you who are single, I have some words of wisdom for you. Woman up and release your inner bitch. At least that’s what Sherry Argov, best selling author of “Why Men Love Bitches” argues. Argov now has a new book explaining why women need to cut the niceness and start toughening up when it comes to romance.
Normally I would try to play devil’s advocate but I’m not sure I completely disagree with Argov. Her first book was translated into thirty different languages so maybe she has a point. How many times have you seen a “happy couple” and wondered why a nice guy is letting his girlfriend treat him like a dog? I’ve definitely contemplated this from time to time as I’ve listened to my male friends complain about their demanding girlfriends. As much as they whine, they are rarely the one who ends the relationship.
Is it just as our old friend Freud said it was? That we end up marrying our mother or father? If that’s the case then women are bound to wed men who give them whatever they want, pay for their meals, buy them presents, and treat them like princesses. For men, they will seek women who tell them what to do, scold them for bad behavior or for no legitimate reason at all. When you look at it that way, perhaps Freud wasn’t so far off on his Oedipal theories.
Even Dr. Phil says that you teach people how to treat you. So, if you condition a man to do whatever you say whenever you say it then he may not even view your behavior as unfair and inappropriate. Likewise, if a woman is too lenient on her man, giving him complete freedom, he will have no fear of negative consequences for misbehavior. He will interpret her niceness as not being worth better treatment. Habits are hard to break, so it’s best to set a good precedent right from the start of the relationship.
I, myself dabbled into bitch territory for a few weeks while studying abroad in London and it’s all Anne Boleyn’s fault. Yup, I’m blaming the infamous second wife of King Henry VIII for my experimentation into the unknown. I happened to be reading Philippa Gregory’s “The Other Boleyn Girl” in between classes and I must have unknowingly picked up a few of Anne’s character traits because all of a sudden I noticed that I was attracting men without even trying. The fact that I had no interest in them only made them want me more. While this was strangely thrilling, I knew it wasn’t in my nature and that my Boleyn charm would soon fizzle.
If you think about it, Anne isn’t the worst role model out there. Yes, she was shamed and beheaded for treason, but not before she managed to be crowned Queen of England. She was also the influential force behind the formation of a new religion and gave birth to the most beloved and successful ruler of England, Queen Elizabeth I. She accomplished all of this by treating Henry VIII like a common peasant and getting everything she wanted without giving anything away.
I’m sure Argov would agree with my reasoning, but there are a few points outlined in her book that I have to call into question. Firstly, there is a difference between being a “nice” girl and being desperate, needy, and dependent. There are a lot of confident women out there who are nice and that doesn’t mean they will let a guy walk all over them. They probably have enough self worth to not let a man control their life. Similarly, there are many women who are both desperate and downright mean at the same time.