Ladies and gentleman it’s time to introduce you to Vanessa Riccio. Vanessa as much as she may wish it, will going forward be forever banned from ever setting foot in Applebee’s. Why you wonder? Let’s leave our credit card home and read on…
Which indeed raises the question what can you get for $170 at Applebee’s?
Let’s find out.
Like any good thief patron we like to start with appetizers.
So shall we?
1/ For $8.99 one get themselves a Dynamite shrimp. Feeling friskier- how about Cheeseburger sliders- as the menu reads: three juicy burgers topped with American cheese, grilled onions and signature burger sauce on toasted mini buns. Served with fries. How much would you expect to pay for this? Try a whopping $9.49.
But according to our intern if you turn up to Applebee’s after 10pm you can get 2 for one appetizers, well everything except for the appetizer platter. But since you too have no intention of paying why bother getting your knickers in a knot?
For those of you on a diet but still wishing to eat and run away may we suggest the under 550 calories menu:
Mmh – yummy:
1/Teriyaki Shrimp pasta for $12.99 (but of course we know like Vanessa you have no intention of paying)
2/ Asiago Peppercorn Steak. But kids that’s going to set you back $17.25. But never mind, cause this one will be on the house too once you get through with it.
Still have your appetite? Sure you do. After all you still have a hypothetical $120 left in your wallet. Oh but before we go about ordering more food, let’s get ourselves some booze. What booze you wonder?
Well we have the Margarita section- which includes some hummers like Pomegranate Margarita and the mucho margarita whatever that is. But what do you care since you have no intention of paying. If Vanessa doesn’t have to pay why should you? Which reminds us, our intern once again tells us you can order a bahamama,baybreeze a sea breaze and a long Island Ice tea and most domestic beers for 2 for 1 after 10 pm to closing. Which probably had Vanessa wheezing with joy and doubling up her drink orders.
Back to the main course now, after all we still have at least $80 to spend kids.
1/ May I recommend the sizzling skillet fajita? For only $15.29 you get a choice of chicken, grilled steak or shrimp. Kids my hands are shaking just thinking about this one. I think I’ll do what Vanessa must have did and order myself 3 portions. That after all still leaves me with $35, not including tip. Tip? What tip you bitches, I’m hauling my ass out of here as soon as the waiter so dare as sets a piece of paper with the words- BILL on the top of it.
Yep- it’s time for dessert. Let’s see what we can get for $35?
1/ Chocolate chip cookie sundae – wow- and this only a hypothetical $6.49. But since I’m not paying I might as well order 2 more, cause I still have $28 odd left.
2/ Yowza- how about a maple butter blondie– it’s only $5.99. I’m sure if I take 2 big bites of it and tell the waiter it tastes awful, they’ll return it to the kitchen leaving me still $28 to order you guessed it more two for one booze deals. But not too much booze, cause I still got a make bolt for it…
Ahh, Applebee’s it’s the place where you can and spend hypothetical money you don’t have before you go bolting through the front door.
Shouldn’t you try it soon too?