Home Scandal and Gossip Facebook Breakup Notifier Makes Stalking Your Crushes More Convenient

Facebook Breakup Notifier Makes Stalking Your Crushes More Convenient


Have you been drooling on your keyboard, heart pounding, busy checking, five, ten, fifteen times per day whether your crush has changed his or her Facebook status yet (because it could happen ANY second!). Well, now there is indeed an app for that. They’re calling it Breakup Notifier, and here’s the marketing copy:

“You like someone. They’re in a relationship. Be the first to know when they’re out of it.”

Because you can’t afford to be the second right? Considering that — as the signup says — it’s only “free for now,” not anymore, it seems. Could you imagine being left behind in this new dating revolution?

Besides, all of us on the interweb already know that if you wanna spend your paycheck on a night out with your preferred piece of ass these days you’d best be tethered to their Facebook status at least, like, 24/7. ‘Cause real winners pounce in less than 30 seconds…

So why wait to find out through the news-stream, when the relationship status of your object of affection can sent — in real time — directly to your crotch via the vertiginous feeling of a specially selected pulse of smart phone buzzing?

And just wait until you can call your crush, then and there, directly from your Facebook phone. No need for a number, or even their latest FourSquare check in. Of course, if he was smart the Zuck would make calls to recently released Facebookers cost a huge premium. (#freeidea for those of you tuning in on Radar6 or your favorite social listening system).

Still, is this a practical tool for a new dating generation, or just a creepy method destined to be used for online stalking and increasingly timely cyber-bulling?  

As Max Eddy asserted in his recent article on the subject in the tech blog Geekosystem: “it seems like it would be far less creepy to simply discover someone’s realtionship status rather than sign up for alerts about it. It strikes me as particularly presumptuous that, if you’re not close enough to a person so as to be aware of their relationship status that you have to sign up for an alert about it.”

One would may surely think so, but these are the days of ‘friendships’; when your Facebook buddies are more present than your family; days when each new media pushes us farther apart as it brings us closer together.

To think — how far we’ve come, and better yet: just where we’re going.