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Life as a loser: 25 years old, broke, not good looking and dealing with existential self esteem issues.

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moneyThe terrible things you have to face up to when you wake up in the morning.

 

This week’s killer self pity letter:

We found the following outpouring of self lament on reddit, a site known for allowing insanity, profanity and high decibel jingles from media sources all over the world.

Before you begin reading this young man’s quandary bear in mind that although you are used to seeing blood and gore on TV what follows has more ferocity and poignancy than what we are collectively willing to own up to.

In any event let’s read our pick of the week’s most lamentable exploration of self pity, stoicism and self doubt that perversely tracks the way most adults find themselves living. Please duck….grief and self pity are on their way…please give generously…

I am a 25 yo with no money or family who is just about ready to give up on life. I have no idea what to do.

I’ve been through some bad experiences in my life and I’ve definitely made a few poor decisions. I’m not one to blame the world for all of my problems, but I have had some shitty circumstances bestowed upon me.

I don’t want to go into too much detail about my past, but I have no family left, large amounts of medical and credit card debt, and an even larger tort action against me (from a bullshit lawsuit when I was 18 where rich parents threw thirty thousand dollars of legal filings towards me and I defaulted).

I’ve always been fairly proficient with computers and software devleopment and I’ve been able to stay afloat by working various contract jobs. I never took a proper W-2 job for fear my wages would be garnished from said tort action.

About a year and a half ago one of my ex-girlfriends (and someone I was very close with) committed suicide. She had called me a few days before it happened but I pretty much blew her off (she was telling me how happy she was and how great things were, no indications she was upset). Things really started to go downhill for me from there. I became depressed and wound up losing my primary telecommute programming contract. I moved in with a few friends and wound up sleeping all winter, spending all my money, and getting into debt with them for rent. They were cool enough about it, but I couldn’t stay there for free.

I got my shit together as best I could, found a job doing software development in NYC and couch crashed with friends while I worked and saved up my money. Long story short, the company I worked at turned out to be run by really sleazy people and they couldn’t make payroll. 3/4 of the staff quit after not being paid for a month. The company went bankrupt and I got a fraction of what I was owed.

I stayed with different friends for a few months and was desperate to find a job. I was offered a decent position in NYC doing IT consulting work. The pay was terrible, but I was promised to be converted to a full-time employee with equity and a pay bump after a 60 day trial period. I worked my ass off (60-80 hour weeks) and got a very positive performance review after my 60 days. I was strung along for another two months (of 60-80 hour weeks) being told various reasons why my employment, pay bump, and equity had not come through yet. I finally had enough and realized they were taking advantage of me and put in 4 weeks notice. After meeting with the managment they indicated they wanted me to stay and that even four weeks wouldn’t be enough time to find a replacement. Two weeks later they fired me over email (on a Saturday) and now are refusing to pay me my last paycheck. This was a month ago.

I had JUST finished paying back another friend for first and last at our new apartment and had NO money saved up at all. I borrowed a couple hundred bucks to live on for the month while I applied for jobs and filed my small claims lawsuit for my last paycheck. I’ve been interviewing at a few places but have not received any offers. I’ve used my last months rent already and have until the end of the month before I’m homeless.

I now have no money for food, subway fare, laundry, and now that my SkypeIn has expired and I have no outgoing credits I can’t make or receive phone calls. My small claims court date is filed for mid November and I’m fairly certain my ex-employer is going to file a continuance, so I have no idea when I will ever see my last paycheck.

I’ve got another couple of weeks to try and find a job, but I’ve just lost the will to do anything now. I feel defeated. Even if I could get another interview I have no phone or clean clothes. My roommate has been nice enough making sure I don’t starve, but this will end soon.

Over the past two years I’ve just been so unhappy and slowly isolating myself from doing any social activities or meeting new people. I’ve already imposed so much on my friends I can’t ask them for anymore.

I just don’t know what to do with myself. Even if I wanted to go on I don’t see how I can with my current situation.

I’m not here to beg for money. I just want to know if anyone has any realistic suggestions for me?

Edit: I appreciate all the feedback, I’m going to do my best to try and make some cash in the next week doing the odd craigslist job and selling off what electronics I have left but I don’t see anyway I’ll be making rent unless I have a real job in the next two weeks or so. A lot of people have suggested going to a foreign place or moving to a small town temporarily. Does anyone have any tangible leads I can follow up on for this?

Edit 2: I’ve seen some people offering to paypal me money. I really appreciate the generosity. I didn’t come here to internet beg but I don’t think I’m in any position to refuse at this point :-

I am a 25 yo with no money or family who is just about ready to give up on life. I have no idea what to do.

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  • Same Guy with bad grammar.

    Complete Bullshit that I can’t edit.. sorry about the Grammar 🙁

    It’s adds to the point that I’m a loser at least!

  • SameGuy Different Town

    I’ve been a fucked up asshole loser my whole life.
    I have sever anxiety and panic disorder as well.
    I also have Bipolar Disorder. and some major underlying still unidentified psychological disorder that I cant attribute to the bipolar.

    I literally for as long as I can remember..

    Cannot bring myself to be responsible, despite wanting to.
    The longest I’ve ever worked is 3 months, and I even grow bored of my favorite hobbies (I literally become a half assed expert at something new every week). You;d think it was some for of ADHD but I’ve been down that road with treatment, and all it eft me with was a temporary addiction to Adderal and even more manic depression.

    I think this is hell, I will agree with you, but I’m not always unhappy for long.
    Somedays I can tune out how fucked up my life is and feel normal.
    Riht now also I feel completely hopeless, or just LOST.

    But I never have the thought of ending it all, because I’ve found something to cling onto that comforts me.

    I think of how strange it is.. Despite being this loser this Large infant I am. I am managing to survive. I’m not independent by any means, but I’m a 25 year old complete Loser, and I have made it this far without hardly doing anything to sustain my own life.. Humans in the past have died much earlier in age and exerted so much more effort into survival..

    I think maybe that’s why some of us feel like this. We don;t have to fight to live. Food,. and Shelter, and clothing is readily available (even forced upon us sometimes)!!

    Anyway. That is my comfort. I respect “Survival”! It’s the only fucking thing us Animals have to do. Survive as long as we can!
    Get a job, get a wife, get laid, and have babies…. thats all complete bullshit, and that bullshit gets in your head (but you don’t have to do any of that to be a success. You’re succeeding as long as your mind is working and you hearts beating and there is air filling your lungs!!
    Plus wow he odds of life being possible in the grand view of things is kind of miraculous in itself.. Fuck even a rock existing is probably a miracle let alone Us!.. So Yeah Im gonna enjoy the ride even though it feels like hell alot of the time! Cause shit it’s still pretty damn minute to have that opportunity. Experiencing anything is a miracle.

    Well Im rambling now… But I feel better just thinking. Thinking a little bit more outside of just whats going on in my own little world.

    I hope you and anyone else can do the same… I probably would have gone way more nuts, or even possibly killed myself if I hadn’t found some “spirituality” < hate that word..

    One other thing I try to do.. is constantly do nice things for other people if the opportunity presents itself.. Even if it's holding a door for someone. The way I see it.. is if life really does suck this bad for everyone (and I'm just mentally unstable so I can;t cope) I might as well spite "hell".. Help someone get by a little easier in it.. even if it's just for a moment.
    Try to make someones day better tomorrow or something.. If you give up on yourself then whatever.. but go out like a damn cheap saint or something.. Do some nice shit for some people

  • Refusetolose

    Life is not a game. Life is life. Life is a struggle against non-existence. You know what the majority of the universe is, on balance? Lifeless, and yet in you, even in your lowest condition, lies the power to manifest life and change your reality for the better. Channel your inner energy. Stop eating fast/junk food. Eat fruits and vegetables. Volunteer somewhere. Perform random acts of kindness. Focus on a self-improving goal. GO out and perform the efforts it would take to achieve that goal.

    Read books and biographies on people you admire, and don’t admire shitty people. Improve yourself. Make yourself the best you you can possibly be and people will be attracted to you. Beat the anxiety through fitness, healthy living, and encouragement. It starts with yourself. Build yourself up. You are a temple and a force of creation, whether you believe it or not. The universe has decided that you belong here among the living, among the struggle for existence, so prove your worth and your metal. The blood running through your veins is the red manna of pure existence waiting to be forged by the endeavors you choose to undertake, so choose wisely. Even choosing to be lazy is a choice. Going back to bed when you know you should wake up s a choice. Choose to wake up and rule the day.

  • Refusetolose

    Don’t be a bitch. Set your alarm for 7am, get off your ass, and go for a run. Find a hobby, make some friends, and go out one night. Hook up with the hottest girl you can find and be her sweetheart. Dedicate yourself to achieving a goal. Fucking focus yourself. You can do this. Achieve greatness. Fucking GO.

  • Refusetolose

    Don’t do it. Don’t kill yourself. Just fight every damned day. Fight for the sake of fighting. Fight just so that tomorrow sees you smile through the shit it’s thrown in your face. Watch Fight Club over and over again until that part of you that knows to fight to survive takes over and leads you out of the hell your in. Fight on and keep fighting until you figure out how to keep up with the hellishly fast pace of existence and then couple your inner-found strength to fight with the intelligence and level of awareness level to combat the daily struggle that often is life. Keep Fighting. Keep Moving. Stop Masterbating and Start Praying for the strength to achieve.

    Whether or not there is a god is unimportant. There is a primordial force to the universe – the energy that creates everything. Everything came from a place where energy is in endless abundant supply. Channel that. Focus on that thought. It will only fuel the just, so aim your life at some sort of just action. Refusing to die, willing yourself to live, and fighting the power of lust and apathy over your physical and spiritual senses is a just act, and if you pursue that as a goal, the whole world will land in your favor.

    Remember, you’re receiving this message from a human being. Overpower the part of your brain that reads this message and disassociates it from the human that is sending you this message. I am alive, I am real, and I am telling you to get up and take control of your life.

    Never stop fighting. Never stop believing in yourself, even if the whole world doubts you. Go exercise your ass off until your happy again, and trust me, you will be happy again. Remember, when you exercise, you are competing against yourself. When you meditate, you are healing yourself, when you eat, drink, sleep, and breath, you are feeding yourself, and when you look at yourself in the mirror, you are confronting your fear and anxiety – you are confronting yourself.

    Come up with a good goal. Look at yourself in the mirror, dead in the eyes, and tell yourself that you will achieve that goal one day, and take one additional step toward that goal every single day. Then, act.

  • gusgus

    I have same situation but with a better condition.. well life is like a game we need a loser and a winner there.. my suggestion is just to keep trying do everything u can do (positive way off course).. 😉

  • loser23

    Im 23 years oid and a loser and doesnt seem im gonna get out of it anytime soon.

  • Tylersmith534

    im a 25 year old loser also.. i had major anxiety problems that i covered up with drugs and alcohol (alcohol mostly).. it has (alcohol) costed me many things i didn’t think possible. i’ve gotten jobs, worked hard, moved out on my own.. only to fuck it up over a few bad hangovers. i’m the biggest loser of my family, most of them are all mid-university teachers/professors etc..it’s hard to want to live nowadays, especially since i lost all of my independence and 3 women in my life that i really did love. the anxiety and depression now is worse than it has ever been. suicide, unfortunately, seems like a reasonable means to the end. i can remember when i was young, really young. i used to bang my head against walls to stop the anxious feelings, i also masturbated very frequently causing some kind of damage that i can’t remember to my own genitals… anxiety is seriously no joke, and i believe that if there is a hell, a person so young with so much anxiety and fear has just come from it.

  • Sscodelario

    Wow…you have been through a lot…People says that there is dawn at the end of the longest night… I hope you see the dawn soon enough.
    Keep your chin up, my friend.

  • Peddy Mdp

    bro i thought i had it bad.but keep your head up and keep positive

  • Peddy Mdp

    bro i thought i had it bad.but keep your head up and keep positive

  • 25 yo

    im 25 yo loser whos gotten every possible bad circumstances thrown at me in life i got no education no specialty broke….now im taking up sum diving courses so that i culd get a job in commercial diving.y? cuz it has a better chance for me to be killed….

  • e

    I am so sorry to hear all of this. I am in kind of the same predicament. I am a 25 yr old female, I have worked a few good jobs, but can’t manage to stay longer than 2 yrs at any of them. I have been fired from both in the last 5 yrs. My most recent job I hated soo much that I kinda made them fire me. So now I am collecting unemployment, living with my mom and have no car. This is stressful. I am thinking that I will never find a new job, I have been trying but there is no word. I hope it gets better soon. I hear they are saying the world is going to end in 2012, first I was soo scared and worried, because I have a life to live, but now I’m kind of looking forward to it. I know its sad. But all I can say my friend, just keep trying I promise you will find your meaningful job. Power of prayer is always good too. Post a comment and let me know what happens.