When turning to crime sometimes pays.
We’ve been giving serious thought on the issue of crime and how you like the celebrities that we all collectively idolize can use it to maximize one’s career and standing. Of course before you start committing crimes this summer let’s have a think of which crimes would serve you budding fame seekers.
The aspiring actor –
We think the best crime that you could possibly commit this summer is to get caught with narcotics, not the soft kind but the hard kind. A clever publicity tale extolling your personal demons and your desires to succumb to rehab have done many an actor and celebrity good. Why don’t you try it this summer and see what happens to you.
The low key socialite looking for public exposure.
It’s never a good idea when you’re a socialite to get too much negative public exposure (where as a celebrity on the other hand is a free agent) therefore may we suggest an acrimonious divorce, a bitter domestic dispute or a vicious public telling off of a former flame should ensure appropriate public exposure and a wonderful mention in NY Social Diary and a Guest of a Guest.
The slutty vixen who keeps dating rejects but who really wants to fall in love.
This summer we suggest you get date raped and when it comes time to relive the horrors hold nothing back and make sure the court knows that deep down you’re a good girl and you didn’t think leading the guy on should necessarily have led to a date rape. But now you’re here and if you play your cards right you can end up being a misunderstood hustler.
The wall st banker who really wants to be a philanthropist despite their excessive bonus.
This summer, we really advise you go out and pay yourself the biggest possible you think you could possibly get away with and wait patiently and see if anyone important gets annoyed enough to bring you to judge. Although less than savory, such a crime will lead to lots of crowd kissing when you or your wife eventually repent and give a small portion of your ill gotten winnings on high profile charities. We know you can do it…
The aspiring actor/celebrity doorman.
This summer we read how Was, celebrity doorman and idiot savant knocked the bejesus out of some stupid kid with the steel end of his celebrity rope while working the door at new celebrity venue – Avenue.
That said we suggest you allow yourself to get real riled up and if need be after you have clunked some offender from the suburbs you spit on them and then pursue to taunt them on how they will never ever get in. This will sure to guarantee your status like Was as ‘badass’ and may guarantee you being offered roles in TV and catalogue commercials assuming your jail sentence isn’t too onerous.