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Study: More than half of women offer to share dating bill but hope man turns them down.


dating who pays?

A new study has gone on to challenge the commonly held wisdom that most women are happy to share in the expenses of dating as they continue to affirm their status as equals in the gender dialectics.

The study commissioned by Chapman University, NY went on to tell that up to 57% of women offer to pay the bill on a date but most still hope the man turns them down.

The study went on to tell, of the 44 percent who went on to offer to share in dating expenses, actually preferred not to, whilst 39 percent admitted that any offer they made was simply an empty one and secretly hoped that their date would reject it.

Similarly two thirds of men questioned went on to say that they believed that women should pay their share. Nevertheless perhaps in keeping with societal expectations and pressure of how men must behave, a remarkable 76 percent admitted feeling guilty in accepting payment.

That said, despite the findings, researchers went on to note that the dynamics inherent in courtship rituals about who actually gets to pay is changing. Which is to say the expectations one has on men in society may have shifted in recent times from that who must prove himself the dominant breadwinner to that of shared responsibilities.

Researchers go on to tell that couples in their 20s are more likely to be open to equality than older couples, yet researchers argued that attitudes were changing across all ages, incomes and levels of education.

The study went on to note that 40 per cent of couples share the bills at least partially during their first month of dating and this number increased to more than 70 per cent after six months.

Told Dr David Frederick, Assistant Professor of Psychology at Chapman University:

‘Some gendered practices are more resistant to change than others; for example, the acceptance of women in the workplace versus holding onto traditional notions of chivalry.’

The results were presented in New York to the American Sociological Association’s 108th Annual Meeting, where academics gathered to discuss inequality on modern societies.

above image found here

Then there were these comments on the web that made me wonder as well:

I understand the gender equality argument but its not about that. Men and women look for different qualities on dates and one of the things that women find attractive is a man who will offer to pay, not just because he has some degree of financial stability but it shows he likes her enough to spend money on her. If this is sexist then so is expecting a woman to make an effort with her hair, make-up, nails, clothes etc. However women do this as we know attractiveness is a quality men look for. Its not sexist, its something we generally can’t help. Men: its up to you if you want to pay, just as its up to women whether they make an effort with their appearance however you’ll have a much better chance of success with the opposite sex!


Simple, you ladies killed it with your feminism. You cannot expect to have all the advantages of equality and none of the disadvantages and if you do then it is time to grow up and stop being so selfish.


Women always look after number one, they have a natural preference to use men’s money and assets for themselves even though they may have their own. Women may say they’ll pay for dates but they will soon get sick of it and seek men who will pay for them even though they have their own money.

As long as the men do the asking, the men should pay. If a woman invites a man out, then the woman should pay. In instances when the woman asks the man out, how many men are actually turned off by this behavior? If women made as much or more money than men, do you think we’d be having this discussion? Cheap people are cheap emotionally. Why is it a big deal for the man to pay? It shows they are interested and is very much a part of the mating ritual. Women are gatherers. Men are hunters. These societal roles have not changed. And women do spend quite a bit more on lower salaries than men on things like hair, makeup, clothing and shoes. We are expected to do that. Chivalry among those who can afford to be a gentleman seems to be a dying thing. Perhaps that’s why there’s less romance in the world and it’s turned into a world of hook ups and women being thought of as a commodity.

but societal roles have actually changed and there are many women who earn more money than many men who still decline to offer to assist in the cost of dating. There are many men who are not able to afford the onus of assuming the greater burden of the mating ritual, is that to then say that these men ought to not enter the race because they can not afford the preconception that it is up to them to come up with the money to get to know the woman. Shouldn’t that be a shared responsibility? Conversely men are expected to look good too and that is not cheap, the cost of clothes, gym membership and let;’s not forget the cost of a good education that costs hundreds of thousands of dollars so they can be perceived a good catch ….



  1. What would be interesting is to see if this was a first date, due to social expectations did the man get a second.
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