I’ve heard that the Ultra Music Festival in Miami attracts quite the crazy, however, the extent of it was unbeknownst to me until I came across the YouTube video below. The video features a young woman having a love affair with a tree.
I’ve written a little something in repose:
Dear “Girl Humping Tree at Ultra Music Festival”, Dating is hard. I get it. Really, I do. Just hear me out:
I come from New York, a land where the men are scarce (the sane, employed, decent looking ones at least), and many a nights I have found myself contemplating making out with inanimate objects. But that’s the thing. I’ve only thought about it. I’ve never actually gone THROUGH with it. Sure, not all of my conquests actually looked like Chace Crawford, or were over 5’4, but I would like to believe that they all had a pulse.
What I’m wondering is, what did you take? Is it expensive? Where can I find it?
Also, I was curious as to where your girlfriends are? For some reason I feel like if I tried to pull the shit you did with that tree my bestie would grab me and sit me down in a corner somewhere, then tell me I’m so chic and deserve better. If that didn’t work she’d lock me in a closet and leave me there for a few days. Both cases are better than waking up to find a video of myself humping bark, and the latter assures that all national park rangers can rest easy as my assaults could not be furthered.
Your friends though seem to have just let you hang out with that tree all day. They even let these jerks video tape it while egging you on! Not cool.
Don’t worry though. The derogatory commentary is probably just because they’re drunk too, right? These dudes are definitely just jealous of the tree, I mean, it totally had you all to itself.
What does that say about the competition?
My last question is, did mom and dad pay for this little vaca? If so make sure they don’t know how to use the internets. I have a feeling finding you in this state on YouTube could definitely negatively affect your allowance. Worse case, cry and blame your friends. They abandoned you anyway.
Girl crazy on a tree bark. At least you used condoms right? (ps- you have to admit bixch slapping that tree was a little kinky…lol)
This girl is in my 6th period class at freedom high school in orlanda florida i asked her what happened she said she was drugged.. lmfao!! This chick is crazy..
Good post. The consensus seems to be she was probably ‘candyflipping’ which is just about the worst thing you can do when you are inexperienced and in strange town where you don’t know the supply. Google could have saved her a lot of embarrassment:
**If you are an inexperienced drug user, I hope that you think twice before mixing two drugs such as these**
Also good point about her ‘friends’. Where the hell were they all that time? Tho I supposed it is conceivable that she ran off in the crowd and it took them awhile to find her.
oh gosh I’m embarrassed for this girl. it’s times like this that I hope people realized that if you get to this point because of drugs you have got to stop. Hope she learns because it can’t feel good to know people were watching, laughing and video taping her acting like a clown.
It’s fake, the re-enacting the scene from “Super Star” Tree Lover. Look it up on you tube. She is having the last laugh on all the idiots who think it’s real. She was drunk and looking for attention. Very typical for Miami.
“My last question is, did mom and dad pay for this little vaca?”
almost certainly…”daddy, can you give me hundreds of dollars for an overpriced concert ticket and fly me to/put me up in miami for a weekend so that i can listen to shitty music that im supposed to like to be cool? love you, bye!!!”
sees this video…”like, omg, im major embarr, sooooo awk, why didnt you stop me??? omg, youre SUCH a betch, i hate you! jk, i love you! but seriously…”
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