Home Scandal and Gossip Dry cleaned only Japanese underwear now promises to help you shed calories.

Dry cleaned only Japanese underwear now promises to help you shed calories.

Calorie Shaper

Finally that special something that you’ve been looking for…

Concerned with the growing trend in obesity amongst their countrymen, one Japanese manufacturer has come out with the ingenious idea of providing consumers with a secretly patented underwear that retails for $32 (yes it’s time to get very rich very fast) which promises to help wearers shed calories.

So what do you get for $32? Essentially you get a stiff pair of pants. Come again? Which is to say the manufacturer has added a secret layer of resin that adds to contextualize the pants and make wearing them resistant. With the pants effectively now stiffer the wearer is forced to exert more energy where as before that energy would not have been exerted. Hmm.

So for example, a 140 pound man walking 90 minutes per day (really, where?) can expect to burn upwards of the equivalent of a half liter of beer a week.

Of course what makes the actual need for the ‘calorie shaper’ a little suspect is the fact that statistics show that Japan only has an obesity rate of 5%, where as the US has a 35% rate.

Personally, I think if one really wanted to exert more energy instead of wearing the stiff pants for a 90 minute walk, they could probably just as easily pack a brick into their knapsack and walk for an hour and exert the same calories. Of course any interested parties should contact me where I will immediately mail you a brick from the local quarry for the stupendous price of $18.99 to put in your handbag to help you expend all the energy you need. Of course if you choose to buy 2 bricks or more I’ll knock the price of each brick down to $14.99.

Shouldn’t you buy yourself a brick pair stiff pants because your life depends on it too?




  1.  Wow this reminds me of the space race between america and russia, except it’s between japan and america, and they’re competing for the crappiest and most tacky weight loss gimmick products. 

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