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Wife is accused of trying to saw off her husband’s head with power saw.

Power saws,the preferred weapon of choice of maladjusted couples...
Power saws, the preferred weapon of choice of maladjusted couples...

It seems not all marriages are happy after all…

Here’s a story that’s bound to have some of you men out there wince with discomfort:

Police were recently called to a house where they found a man bleeding profusely from his neck and head lying in agony in his bed. As the police approached the man, he turned to his nearby wife and began screaming:

‘It was you, it was you – you tried to cut my head off. You’re going to jail.’

Which if you ask this author is hardly the signs of a happily ever after marriage. The wife in her defense told the police that she thought she had heard an intruder during the evening, and thus like any normal person scared out of their wits purportedly approached the would be intruder with a power saw.

Yet when sergeant Robert Goetz decided to have a look around the house he noticed no sign of a forced break in which naturally made him wonder if there was any validity to the wife’s story.

The husband then proceeded to tell police that he was asleep when at some point he began to hear what he thought was a power tool whirring perilously close to his neck (talk about nightmares, literally…). Alarmed he then turned on the bedroom light to find his wife standing there with a hatchet in her hand (which he also claims she used on him), and blood pouring out of his neck.

As you can see hardly good signs of a promising marriage.

Upon further investigation, the wife was found to have smeared blood on her arms (perhaps she nicked herself shaving her armpits?) as well as that of other walls in the house. (One can only wonder how the blood ended up in the other rooms of the house. Or dare we?) As the police continued searching the house they suddenly happened upon a hatchet (yes the good old hatchet…) in the kitchen which had been coincidentally newly washed. As you can also imagine, cutting oranges and apples with a hatchet adds to a more vibrant taste than a pear knife, but who can really judge people’s killing eating habits?

Ultimately one can only wonder what actually happened in the couple’s house, although evidence does point to the wife going the extra mile to terminate her marriage in the most visceral terms. Who could say why? Did her husband beat her, cheat on her, ignore her, not shower her with not enough love and affection, or is the wife just plain mentally disturbed. Or then again is this just a case of two diabolical individuals acting out their perfect love hate relationship dynamics as so many couples these days are wanton to do?

Interestingly enough the woman has only been charged with domestic violence as opposed to attempted murder which raises the question, had roles been reversed what would the husband be getting charged with? She remains on bail for $250 000.

The moral of the story, sometimes its better to buy your wife a a set of blunt pear knives as opposed to a state of the art power saw. Just a thought gentlemen…